Scarred

Rashida Jones, who played Karen on The Office and is the daughter of famed music producer Quincy Jones, was on Conan O'Brien this week and revealed that she spent a lot of time at Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch as a kid. Jones even told a story of a run-in she had with Jackson's sidekick chimp Bubbles:

"I have a scar. I was standing next to his cage and he grabbed something out of my hand. I opened the cage and the monkey started throwing things at me. I tried to punish him by lightly hitting him on the head, and he grabbed my hand and bit down on it like a sandwich."

Shit lady, you should feel blessed that the only scar you have from your time at Neverland is superficial. I'm willing to bet if your name was Richie Jones your scars would have been the deep seeded emotional kind that result in years of therapy.

Let's not kid ourselves here, when she says he was throwing "things" she really means "poo". Now that's a story I wish I could tell my grandkids.

Trailer Watch: The Fall

This has been a weird week, so why not a weird trailer. The trailer for The Fall is one of those videos you can watch multiple times and still have no clue what the hell is going on. I know this is true because I did and I don't. It certainly look pretty that's for sure. According to IMDb, The Fall is the story of a little girl who meets a bedridden man who begins to tell her a fantastical story that reflects his state of mind. As time goes by fiction and reality become intertwined into an uplifting epic fantasy.



The Fall is directed by Tarsem, the guy who directed 2000's The Cell with Jennifer Lopez. If you don't remember The Cell, it can best be described as a cinematic version of an M.C. Escher painting on LSD with uber-creepy Vincent D'Onofrio at his super creepiest. From the looks of it, The Fall will in The Cell's footsteps with over the top fantasy imagery and a crazy (and probably not so important) storyline.

What really caught my attention was that The Fall is apparently produced by David Fincher (director of Fight Club) and Spike Jonze (Where the Wild Things Are and my all-time favorite music video director). Neither of their IMDb pages make any reference to The Fall, but if they are indeed involved it is a very good sign for the movie.

The Fall will have a limited release next month. Will keep you posted on any news of a full release when announced.

Lindsay Lohan Nude in New York Magazine

So here's something I missed while I was away. Snorty McCokefuck decided to shit all over the memory of Marilyn Monroe buy posing nude as Monroe in her famous "The Last Sitting" photo spread.


There was a time, circa Mean Girls, where if someone said to me "Hey, Lindsay Lohan is gonna be naked." My reaction would probably be along the lines of "Awesome!". Well that was many Eight Balls ago and my reaction was more along the lines of "Jeez, I want to burn my eyes and bury them!"

I am actually surprised Snorty doesn't have one of those huge disco coke nostrils at this point.

Word is now Hugh Hefner wants Snorty to get naked again, this time in Playboy. Knowing her fantastic decision making skills she will pass on the big money to pose nude for Playboy and end up in Cheri instead.

You know Lohan is gonna turn up dead, probably of an apparent OD, and the idiotic media is gonna refer back to this photo shoot and call it eerily prophetic.

Ooops

I made an egregious error in my post Oscar recap while discussing the "In Memoriam" montage. I added an N to the late Roy Scheider's name making him Roy Schneider. As we all know Roy Schneider was the 25th Governor of the US Virgin Islands. His Wikipedia page makes no mention of him ever blowing up a killer shark.

My humble apologies to Governor Schneider (who is most certainly not dead), the late great Roy Scheider, and to Jaws fans around the world (some of whom I suspect live in the US Virgin Islands).

Quick Oscar Recap

I went 8 for 11 on my Oscar predictions, a vast improvement over that Golden Globes debacle. Even more, NO ONE saw Tilda Swinton winning for Best Supporting Actress, so I think I really should not count that one and have a nice even 8 for 10. I'll take 80% any day.

The show on the whole was pretty dull. No major moments that will go down in Oscar history and no major upsets that could cause controversy (I'm looking at you Crash in 2006).

For me the best part of the evening was the audiences reaction to Once. Every time the film was even mentioned there was hooting and hollering from the crowd, everyone seemed to love this movie. It probably is because it is the "little movie that could". With a budget of $100,000 and a 17 day shooting schedule, this film overcame tremendous odds to even be mentioned on the Oscar stage let alone win an award, making it a true underdog and everyone loves an underdog (we have 5 Rocky movies...yes 5!...that prove me right). Plus, this movie is a ray of hopeful sunshine breaking through the rest of this years brooding, gloomy, and deranged Oscar fare. It truly is a beautiful heartfelt movie that you just can't help but like. It really deserves whatever attention it can get.

There is some controversy swelling due to the omission of Brad Renfro from the "In Memoriam" montage this year. Renfro passed away a week before Heath Ledger who was the anchor of the video. The Academy claimed today that it was an "editing decision". I guess that means they were trying to conserve time? It seems more like a "we don't want that fucking junkie dirtying up our broadcast decision", which is fine with me. But what isn't fine is leaving out Roy Schneider. There is no excuse. None!

Was Jon Travolta sporting spray on hair? Certainly looked that way to me.

Is it just me or is Travolta super gay? He has got to be the gayest man in America right? He makes Richard Simmons look like Derek Jeter.

One last thing to note, none of the acting awards went to an American actor or actress.

Oscar Predictions

Hey All!
I'm back from vacation, burnt to a crisp, just in time to incorrectly predict tonight's Oscar Winners. I am only going to do the major categories (yes I do consider Documentary a major but I didn't see any of the films so I will leave it alone, same goes for Foreign Film).

Best Original Screenplay - Diablo Cody - Juno
Best Adapted Screenplay - Christopher Hampton - Atonement
Best Song - "Falling Slowly" - Once - Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova
Animated Feature - Ratatouille
Cinematography - Robert Elswit - There Will Be Blood
Best Supporting Actress - Cate Blanchett - I'm Not There (although the girl from Atonement has been getting some buzz)
Best Supporting Actor - Javier Barden - No Country For Old Men
Best Actress - Marion Cotillard - La Vie En Rose (They won't give it to Page for a comedy)
Best Actor - Daniel Day Lewis - There Will Be Blood
Best Director- Julian Schnabel - The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
Best Picture - No Country for Old Men (This may seem like I am just picking the one I like best to win, and you are probably right, but I truly feel it is the best film of the year).

I have no prediction for Best Editing, but I would like to see Roderick Jaynes win for No Country, because Jaynes is really a made up person by the Coen Brothers and I would like to see how they handle that.

Ooops, 8pm, time for the show!

On Vacation

Haters to the Left is on Vacation...See you in a week!

Trailer Watch: Indiana Jones

Being that it is Valentines Day I planned on using some upcoming Rom-Com for today's trailer watch...but then this fell into my lap and it was too good to pass up. The first full length trailer for the new Indiana Jones flick...Indiana Jones And The Temple Of The Crystal Skull.



Any reservations I may have had about this movie are now gone! Indiana Jones 4 has just moved into a dead heat with The Dark Knight on my list of most anticipated movies this year...hell most anticipated movies in a long long time (probably since the Batman Begins).

2008 is going to have one hell of a summer season for movies. It all kicks off on April 25th with Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo, which looks hysterical. Here are some of the highlight release dates this summer:

April 30: Forgetting Sarah Marshall
May 2: Iron Man
May 9: Speed Racer
May 16: Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
May 22: Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull
June 13: Incredible Hulk (Ed Norton as the Hulk!!!!)
June 20: Get Smart
June 27: Wall-E (always interesting to see what Pixar brings us)
July 2: Hancock
July 11: Hellboy 2
July 18: The Dark Knight
August 8: Pineapple Express

And that's just the highlights, there are plenty other movies coming out this summer like X-Files 2, the new Mummy movie (Jet Li!) , Wanted, and of course Kung Fu Panda.

Ahhh what the hell...here's a clip in honor of Valentines Day from probably the greatest Romantic Comedy of all time.

Strike Struck

In what may turn out to be the best result of a vote this year, the members of WGA East & West voted to end the fourteen week long strike that basically halted production on almost all TV and Film projects and cost the industry (both studios and those who were not able to work) over $1 Billion.

Although writers can return to work as of this morning, the WGA is not completely out of the woods just yet. The proposed deal that is in place still needs to be ratified before it is official. There is also talk of impending legal action against the WGA by The Hollywood Foreign Press Association and NBC for it's role in the recent Golden Globes debacle. I would imagine a lawsuit like this could open the legal floodgates a bit and that would keep the WGA legal team busy for the foreseeable future.

Now that the writers are back to work we should be seeing some new episodes of our favorite shows like 30 Rock and The Office in a little over a month from now. Other serial, shows like Chuck, Heroes, and 24 will not start up again until the fall when they can be re-launched with a full seasons worth of episodes (instead of just one or two episodes in the near future, which would just be a tease).

TV Guide has a pretty comprehensive list of shows and their current status here.

A big question that remains is; what happens to the shows that were on the fence before their strike shortened seasons ended? The big one for me in this category is Friday Night Lights. As I have said here before, apart from The Wire, FNL is the best show on television. NBC in its infinite wisdom buried the show on Friday nights and then complain that it is not getting good enough ratings. Of course it isn't! Who in FNL's target demo is home watching TV every week on a Friday night? They are all out on Friday nights. I am willing to be though that they are watching on Tivo later. Also, a lot of people were late to the game on this show and are catching up on DVD before watching the new episodes they recorded. It really would be a travesty to cancel a show this good. FNL is a rare breed, like The Wire, it has an ensemble cast with no weak links. But unlike The Wire, the cast is made up primarily of young actors who can really hold their own. If given the chance, like say put in a reasonable time slot during the week, FNL could really find its audience.

Unfortunately it appears that is not going to happen and that FNL is going to join the ranks of critically acclaimed shows like Firefly, Freaks & Geeks, and Arrested Development that were canceled way too soon.

If last week's episode is indeed the last to air I would like to make a suggestion (or at the very least a request). Finish out production of the season and throw them onto a DVD. It's possible that these un-aired DVD only episodes could spur DVD sales to the point that NBC Universal takes notice. Hey, it worked for Family Guy.

If you haven't already, please head over the Best Week Ever and sign their petition to save FNL.


Hopefully I will get a chance to go through all the details of the proposed WGA deal this week and give you a breakdown, if not it will have to wait till I get back from vacation (Bring on the sun!).

Vote Is Today

WGA East and West memberships vote today on whether or not to end the strike during the ratification of the proposed deal.
Showrunners went back to work yesterday.
More details as they come....

Also, please head on over to Best Week Ever and sign the petition to save one of the best shows on TV...Friday Night Lights.

End In Sight!

There is a light at the end of the WGA Strike Tunnel. At a new conference held yesterday WGA leaders announced that a tentative deal is in place and that WGA members not have 48 hours to call off the strike and 10 days to accept the deal. Showrunners can get back to work immediately.

Union leaders un-surprisingly hailed the new deal as a "a victory for us." They also credited News Corp. second in command Peter Chernin, Disney CEO Bob Iger, and CBS head honcho Les Moonves as being instrumental in the deal getting done.

Don't have all the details yet, but I do know that writers will get 2% of distributors gross on all new media.

Keep in mind, even if the deal is signed off on by all sides, it does not mean your favorite shows will immediately come back. They still need to be written and/or shot.

More details as I get them...

Vanity Fair Hollywood Issue 2008

Every year Vanity Fair puts our their Hollywood Issue themed photoshoot's featuring past and present Oscar nominees. Last years issue featured a film noir themed spread shot by Annie Liebowitz. This year Vanity Fair presents a Hitchcock themed shoot with familiar faces in famous scenes from Hitchcock's most infamous films. My personal favorite is South by Southwest with Seth Rogen.

(Click to Enlarge)

(North By Northwest - Seth Rogen by Art Strieber)

(Strangers on a Train - Emile Hirsch & James McAvoy by Art Streiber)

(The Birds - Jodie Foster by Norman Jean Roy)

(To Catch A Thief - Gwyneth Paltrow & Robert Downey Jr. by Norman Jean Roy)

(Vertigo - Renee Zellweger by Norman Jean Roy)

(Lifeboat - Tang Wei, Josh Brolin, Casey Affleck, Eva Marie Saint, Ben Foster, Omar Metwally, Julie Christie by Mark Seliger)

(Marnie - Naomi Watts by Julian Broad)

(Psycho - Marion Cotillard by Mark Seliger)

(Rear Window - Scarlett Johansson & Javier Bardem by Norman Jean Roy)

(Rebecca - Keira Knightley & Jennifer Jason Leigh by Julian Broad)

(Dial M for Murder - Charlize Theron by Norman Jean Roy)

Jesse Metcalfe Gets His Shit Rocked!

I have to admit, I am a big fan of celebrities getting punched in the face. It really needs to happen more often. In this video TV's Jesse Metcalf gets absolutely cold cocked by some guy who is for some reason wearing MMA style gloves, almost like he was anticipating a fight (always be prepared!). Dude hits Metcalf so hard he is gonna need a shoehorn to put a hat on.

In case you don't have sound on your computer the video goes a little something like this...

Jesse Metcalf: Hi, I'm Jesse Metcalf. You may know me from my TV show Desperate Housewives or my one movie John Tucker Must Die. Look at me, I'm so hot.

UFC Wannabe: Fire Bad!


Jesse Metcalf: What the fuck?!? What the fuck?!? What the fuck?!? What the fuck?!? What the fuck?!? What the fuck?!? What the fuck?!? What the fuck?!? What the fuck?!? What the fuck?!? What the fuck?!? What the fuck?!? What the fuck?!? What the fuck?!? What the fuck?!?What the fuck?!? What the fuck?!? What the fuck?!?



I gotta give Metcalf credit, dude took a pretty good punch and got back up. I was expecting him to have little birdies flying around his head and Chris Tucker to pop up and shout "You just got knocked the fuck out!"

Trailer Watch: The Grand

The Grand is a comedy about poker with an all-star cast including Woody Harrelson, David Cross, Dennis Farina, Cheryl Hines, Shannon Elizabeth, Chris Parnell, Michael McKean, and Werner Herzog as a bat-shit crazy German (appropriate!).

The concept for The Grand is actually quite genius; It is an "improvisational comedy" that uses actors playing whacked out fictional characters competing in a real deal poker tournament.

Check out The Grand

The Grand is written and directed by Zach Penn; a huge comic geek that wrote among other things the last two X-Men movies, Elektra, the new Incredible Hulk movie, the upcoming Spy Hunter movie, and more importantly PCU.

The Grand opens in select cities end of March 2008.

Kevin Smith Casting Chart

This is pretty cool for any Kevin Smith fan (let's pretend Jersey Girl never happened). It is a casting chart of all the Kevin Smith regulars in all his films.

At first glance I assumed that solid line of X's down the middle had to be Jason Mewes but it turned out to be the line for Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, a movie light on story and heavy on cameos.

The list even includes Smith's daughter, Harley Quinn Smith, who he named after the Joker's female accomplice in the Batman comics.

(click to enlarge)

Just for shits and giggles, here is Smith at the 2007 Comic-Con taking some poor comic nerd to task for trying to be funny and snarky during a Q&A. Little hint dude...when you try and impress your little buddies by attempting to publicly zing a celebrity, don't make it Kevin Smith, he is funnier, wittier, and faster than you will ever be.

Super Men!

Unless you have been buried under a rock the past 24 hours you already know that the New York Giants beat the nearly perfect New England Patriots 17-14 in Super Bowl XLII. The Giants victory is being called one of the greatest upset victories in Pro-Sports history and included a huge clutch pass and catch from Eli Manning to David Tyree that will go down as the greatest play in Super Bowl history.


Needless to say I am elated (now that the initial shock has worn off) and plan on attending the victory parade in the Canyon of Heroes tomorrow!

Although all the ratings haven't been announced yet, all signs point to Super Bowl XLII being the most watched Super Bowl ever and could possibly become the #2 most watched telecast in history, behind the series finale of M*A*S*H.

Ever since "Nipplegate" during the Super Bowl XXXVII halftime show, when Justin Timberlake removed a piece of Janet Jackson's outfit revealing her pierced nipple, the NFL has been trying to keep the halftime show as safe, family friendly, and vanilla (save for Prince's performance, but we'll get to that in a minute) as possible. This year's show saw Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers take the stage and crank out songs from an album close to 20 years old. A band named The Heartbreakers performing a song titled "Free Fallin" actually turned out to be pretty damn appropriate for a Super Bowl ending that saw a team lose it's chance at perfection in the last minute of the game to a team nobody gave a chance in hell to win.

Unfortunately for the NFL, no matter how hard they try to keep the halftime show family friendly and controversy clear, they just can't seem to get out of their own way. This year was no different. At the beginning of the the Halftime Show the stadium lights went dark and a pink heart was illuminated. From off to the right of the screen an illuminated white ax guitar moved towards and eventually pierced the heart, setting off show. Innocent enough right? Wrong! The guitar was quite phallic and it penetrated that heart, if you know what I mean. Intentional or not the symbolism was unmistakable.


Previous Halftime Show Controversies:

Super Bowl XLI - A Royal Phallacy
Prince's performance at Super Bowl XLI has been called the greatest Super Bowl Halftime show ever, but it was not without controversy. At one point during the performance using back lighting, a giant silhouette of Prince and his guitar was cast onto a large screen giving off the illusion that Prince had an enormous exposed cock. Hasn't the guitar always been considered an extension of a rock stars penis anyway?



Super Bowl XL - Dirty Old Men



The Rolling Stones had to be muted by ABC several times for using foul language during their performance. They also had to deal with Kieth trying to run off the stage and snort the giant white lines on the field.





Super Bowl XXXVI - A Big Penis on Stage



When U2 performed in 2001 there wasn't literally a penis on the stage, but there certainly was a dickhead!





Super Bowl XXXVIII - Nipplegate




The biggest of them all, it was the event that introduced the term "Wardrobe Malfunction"into the national lexicon. Janet Jackson's exposed pierced nipple changed the way broadcast television worked forever.

Celebrity Rehab (Not Starring Dr. Drew)

The crazy bug has hit celebrities hard recently, there has been a slew of celebrities checking into rehab or being committed. Here's a rundown of who's checking in and suspected cause:

Britney Spears - Committed involuntarily by new therapist after not sleeping for 3 days straight; UCLA Medical Center deemed her "gravely disabled", which basically means she is too fucked up to take care of basic needs like eating, sleeping, dressing herself, or wiping properly. duh.
Cause - Meth, Meth, Meth, possible Bi-Polar Disorder, Meth, Coke, Meth, a mean Cheetos addiction, Meth, Slim-Jims, Meth, Sam Lufti, oh and Meth.

Amy Winehouse - Label forced her to enter drug rehab after a video surfaced of her smoking crack before going to court.
Cause - Trying to inhale, ingest, and inject everything on Earth. She once tried snorting a baby...a real live baby. Winehouse's drug abuse makes Kieth Richards look like an altar boy.




Justin Chambers (Dr. Alex Karev on Grey's Anatomy) - Checked into UCLA Medical for exhaustion caused by a pre-existing sleep disorder.
Cause - Lack of sleep due to growing concerns that everyone is confusing him with T.R. Knight as "the gay one".





Eva Mendes - Entered the world famous Cirque Lodge, the same treatment center famous for treating Blow-han, for substance abuse problems.
Cause - Ghost Rider.



Sean Young - Was ejected at from the DGA Awards for being drunk and extremely belligerent. According to Page Six: Young “began screaming in French” when [”La Vie en Rose” star Marion] Cotillard took the stage to present an award [and] could be heard “breaking into song.” But it was when [Julian Schnabel, director of “The Diving Bell and the Butterfly”] took the stage to make a brief speech “that she really went kook, yelling at him to ‘get on with it’ and to ‘move it on’… Julian yelled back at her to ‘have another drink, honey’ and started to leave the stage before the crowd yelled at him to stay. He continued to talk and Sean stood up and made a big production of putting on her white fur coat, walking around in a circle and then taking her seat again.” Finally, when a team of security guards swooped in to remove Young, “she tried to throw a punch at [them].” Hey what do you expect from the woman who tried getting the role of Catwoman in Batman Returns by continuously showing up on set dressed in a Catwoman costume even though Michelle Pfeifer already had the role?
Cause - Hell I didn't even know she was still alive...I got nothing.





Kirsten Dunst - IMPENDING - Rumor is she is on the "verge of a breakdown", according to reports Dunst was a complete nutball at Sundance and friends had to apologize for her saying "Kirsten is not in a good place right now." She recently split from rocker boyfriend Johnny Borell and has not been seen much in recent months.
Cause - Lost "her precious".
Update (2/7/08) - Dunst checked into the Cirque Lounge for rehab.

Lindsay Lohan - ALWAYS IMPENDING
Cause - Drinks like Kieth Moon and snorts cocaine like Tony Montana.