Haters to the Left

SAG Awards Nominations Announced

2008-12-18T10:52:00.002-05:00

Award season continues to pick up steam with the nominations announcement for another prominent awards show, the Screen Actors Guild Awards. Obviously being a SAG event the awards are solely for acting, so no Best Picture (Best Cast may be closest to it), Director, Cinematographer, etc. here.

These are actors judging and voting on other actors. You would hope there is more emphasis on the performances and less politics than in some of the more mainstream award shows.

The big snub here seems to be Leonardo DiCaprio for his performance in Revolutionary Road, which he received a Golden Globe nom for last week.

What is interesting about this years SAG Awards is that SAG is currently debating calling for a strike after the new year. If the strike vote does come down the pipe and is voted for by its members there may not be a ceremony at all.

Here are the nominations, my predictions in bold.

THEATRICAL MOTION PICTURES

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Leading Role

RICHARD JENKINS / Walter Vale - "THE VISITOR" (Overture Films)
FRANK LANGELLA / Richard Nixon - "FROST/NIXON" (Universal Pictures)
SEAN PENN / Harvey Milk - "MILK" (Focus Features)
BRAD PITT / Benjamin Button - "THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON" (Paramount Pictures)
MICKEY ROURKE / Randy - "THE WRESTLER" (Fox Searchlight Pictures)

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Leading Role
ANNE HATHAWAY / Kym - "RACHEL GETTING MARRIED" (Sony Pictures Classics)ANGELINA JOLIE / Christine Collins - "CHANGELING" (Universal Pictures)
MELISSA LEO / Ray Eddy - "FROZEN RIVER" (Sony Pictures Classics)
MERYL STREEP / Sister Aloysius Beauvier - "DOUBT" (Miramax Films)
KATE WINSLET / April Wheeler - "REVOLUTIONARY ROAD" (Paramount Vantage)

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Supporting Role
JOSH BROLIN / Dan White - "MILK" (Focus Features)
ROBERT DOWNEY, JR. / Kirk Lazarus - "TROPIC THUNDER" (Paramount Pictures)
PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN / Father Brendan Flynn - "DOUBT" (Miramax Films)
HEATH LEDGER / Joker - "THE DARK KNIGHT" (Warner Bros. Pictures)
DEV PATEL / Older Jamal - "SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE" (Fox Searchlight Pictures)

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Supporting Role
AMY ADAMS / Sister James - "DOUBT" (Miramax Flms)
PENÉLOPE CRUZ / Maria Elena - "VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA" (The Weinstein Company)
VIOLA DAVIS / Mrs. Miller - "DOUBT" (Miramax Films)
TARAJI P. HENSON / Queenie - "THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON" (Paramount Pictures)
KATE WINSLET / Hanna Schmitz - "THE READER" (The Weinstein Company)

Outstanding Performance by a Cast in a Motion Picture
DOUBT (Miramax)
FROST/NIXON (Universal Pictures)
MILK (Focus Features)
SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (Fox Searchlight Pictures)
THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON (Paramount Pictures)

PRIMETIME TELEVISION

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Television Movie or Miniseries
RALPH FIENNES / Bernard Lafferty - "BERNARD AND DORIS" (HBO)
PAUL GIAMATTI / John Adams - "JOHN ADAMS" (HBO)
KEVIN SPACEY / Ron Klain - "RECOUNT" (HBO)
KIEFER SUTHERLAND / Jack Bauer - "24: REDEMPTION" (FOX)
TOM WILKINSON / Benjamin Franklin - "JOHN ADAMS" (HBO)

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Television Movie or Miniseries
LAURA DERN / Katherine Harris - "RECOUNT" (HBO)
LAURA LINNEY / Abigail Adams - "JOHN ADAMS" (HBO)
SHIRLEY MacLAINE / Coco Chanel - "COCO CHANEL" (Lifetime)
PHYLICIA RASHAD / Lena Younger - "A RAISIN IN THE SUN" (Lifetime)
SUSAN SARANDON / Doris Duke - "BERNARD AND DORIS" (HBO)

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Drama Series
MICHAEL C. HALL / Dexter Morgan - "DEXTER" (Showtime)
JON HAMM / Don Draper - "MAD MEN" (AMC)
HUGH LAURIE / Gregory House - "HOUSE" (FOX)
WILLIAM SHATNER / Denny Crane - "BOSTON LEGAL" (ABC)
JAMES SPADER / Alan Shore - "BOSTON LEGAL" (ABC)

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Drama Series
SALLY FIELD / Nora Walker - "BROTHERS & SISTERS" (ABC)
MARISKA HARGITAY / Det. Olivia Benson - "LAW & ORDER: SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT" (NBC)
HOLLY HUNTER / Grace Hanadarko - "SAVING GRACE" (TNT)
ELISABETH MOSS / Peggy Olson - "MAD MEN" (AMC)
KYRA SEDGWICK / Dep. Chief Brenda Johnson - "THE CLOSER" (TNT)

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Comedy Series
ALEC BALDWIN / Jack Donaghy - "30 ROCK" (NBC)
STEVE CARELL / Michael Scott - "THE OFFICE" (NBC)
DAVID DUCHOVNY / Hank Moody - "CALIFORNICATION" (Showtime)
JEREMY PIVEN / Ari Gold - "ENTOURAGE" (HBO)
TONY SHALHOUB / Adrian Monk - "MONK" (USA)

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Comedy Series
CHRISTINA APPLEGATE / Samantha Newly - "SAMANTHA WHO?" (ABC)
AMERICA FERRERA / Betty Suarez - "UGLY BETTY" (ABC)
TINA FEY / Liz Lemon - "30 ROCK" (NBC)
MARY-LOUISE PARKER / Nancy Botwin - "WEEDS" (Showtime)
TRACEY ULLMAN / Various Characters - "TRACEY ULLMAN’S STATE OF THE UNION" (Showtime)

Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Drama Series
BOSTON LEGAL (ABC)
DEXTER (Showtime)
HOUSE (Fox)
MAD MEN (AMC)
THE CLOSER (TNT)

Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Comedy Series
30 ROCK (NBC)
DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES (ABC)
ENTOURAGE (HBO)
THE OFFICE (NBC)
WEEDS (Showtime)

Yes We Can!

2008-12-17T17:04:00.002-05:00

(Click image for larger version)

Check out the Top 20 Mugshots of 2008 at TSG.

"I Don't Know What The Guys Said, But I Saw His Sole"

2008-12-15T10:39:00.001-05:00

29 year old Iraqi reporter, Muntadhar al-Zaidi, threw his shoes at President Bush at a press conference during Bush's surprise trip to Iraq over the weekend.

The President was unharmed in the attack...in fact it looked like he was enjoying himself. The quick thinking Bush (first and last time you hear me say that) even was able to come up with a pun worthy of the NY Post right then and there. The reporter was subdued by the Secret Service and removed from the room.

In a related story - Muntadhar al-Zaidi has been signed to pitch for the Yankees.

Golden Globe Nominations Announced This Morning

2008-12-11T10:32:00.003-05:00

The awards season has officially begun with the Hollywood Foreign Press Association's announcement of the 2009 Golden Globes nominations. As usual there are some head scratchers in there. For instance, I didn't realize In Bruges was even good, let alone award worthy. Who knew?

I realize a lot of people feel like these awards ceremonies (especially the Globes & Oscars) are unnecessary opulent displays of Hollywood pretentiousness, and they may not be wrong. I wonder if the HFPA and the Academy will be cognizant of the mood in this country (and around the world) as we endure a frightening economic crisis and tone down their ceremonies this time around.

Like last year I will make my predictions in bold (if last year was any indication I would NOT suggest usng this as a Golden Globes betting guide).

1. BEST MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA
THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
Warner Bros. Pictures and Paramount Pictures; Warner Bros. Pictures and Paramount Pictures
FROST/NIXON
Imagine Entertainment, Working Title, Studio Canal; Universal Pictures
THE READER
Mirage Enterprises; The Weinstein Company
REVOLUTIONARY ROAD
An Evamere Entertainment BBC Films Neal Street Production; DreamWorks Pictures in Association with BBC Films and Paramount Vantage
SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE
Fox Searchlight Pictures and Warner Bros.; Fox Searchlight Pictures and Warner Bros.

2. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA
ANNE HATHAWAY – RACHEL GETTING MARRIED
ANGELINA JOLIE – CHANGELING
MERYL STREEP – DOUBT
KRISTIN SCOTT THOMAS – I'VE LOVED YOU SO LONG (IL Y A LONGTEMPS QUE JE T’AIME)
KATE WINSLET – REVOLUTIONARY ROAD

3. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA
LEONARDO DICAPRIO – REVOLUTIONARY ROAD
FRANK LANGELLA – FROST/NIXON
SEAN PENN – MILK
BRAD PITT – THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
MICKEY ROURKE – THE WRESTLER

4. BEST MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL
BURN AFTER READING
Working Title/Releasing Company; Focus Features in association with Studio Canal
HAPPY-GO-LUCKY
Summit Entertainment, Film4, Ingenious Film Partners, Miramax Films; Miramax Films
IN BRUGES
Blueprint Pictures; Focus Features
MAMMA MIA!
Relativity Media, Playtone, Littlestar; Universal Pictures
VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA
Mediapro; The Weinstein Company

5.BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL
REBECCA HALL – VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA
SALLY HAWKINS – HAPPY-GO-LUCKY
FRANCES MCDORMAND – BURN AFTER READING
MERYL STREEP – MAMMA MIA! (possible double win?)
EMMA THOMPSON – LAST CHANCE HARVEY

6. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL
JAVIER BARDEM – VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA
COLIN FARRELL – IN BRUGES
JAMES FRANCO – PINEAPPLE EXPRESS (only because I'm shocked to even see him here)
BRENDAN GLEESON – IN BRUGES
DUSTIN HOFFMAN – LAST CHANCE HARVEY

7. BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM
BOLT
Walt Disney Pictures; Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures
KUNG FU PANDA
DreamWorks Animation SKG; Paramount Pictures
WALL-E
Walt Disney Pictures and Pixar Animation Studios; Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures

8. BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
THE BAADER MEINHOF COMPLEX (GERMANY)
(DER BADDER MEINHOF KOMPLEX)
Constantin Film Produktion GmbH; Summit Entertainment, LLC
EVERLASTING MOMENTS (SWEDEN/DENMARK)
(MARIA LARSSONS EVIGA ÖGONBLICK)
Final Cut Productions Aps; IFC Films
GOMORRAH (ITALY)
(GOMORRA)
Fandango; IFC Films
I'VE LOVED YOU SO LONG (FRANCE)
(IL Y A LONGTEMPS QUE JE T’AIME)
UGC YM/UGC Images/France 3 Cinema/Integral Film; Sony Pictures Classics
WALTZ WITH BASHIR (ISRAEL)
Bridgit Folman Film Gang/Les Films D'Ici/Razor Films/Arte France/ITVS International; Sony Pictures Classics

9. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE
AMY ADAMS – DOUBT
PENELOPE CRUZ – VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA
VIOLA DAVIS –DOUBT
MARISA TOMEI – THE WRESTLER
KATE WINSLET – THE READER

10. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE
TOM CRUISE – TROPIC THUNDER
ROBERT DOWNEY JR. –TROPIC THUNDER
RALPH FIENNES – THE DUCHESS
PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN – DOUBT
HEATH LEDGER – THE DARK KNIGHT
(Tropic Thunder with two noms here?)

11. BEST DIRECTOR – MOTION PICTURE
DANNY BOYLE – SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE
STEPHEN DALDRY – THE READER
DAVID FINCHER – THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
RON HOWARD – FROST/NIXON
SAM MENDES – REVOLUTIONARY ROAD

12. BEST SCREENPLAY – MOTION PICTURE
SIMON BEAUFOY – SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE
DAVID HARE – THE READER
PETER MORGAN – FROST/NIXON
ERIC ROTH – THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN
JOHN PATRICK SHANLEY – DOUBT

13. BEST ORIGINAL SCORE – MOTION PICTURE
ALEXANDRE DESPLAT –THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
CLINT EASTWOOD – CHANGELING
JAMES NEWTON HOWARD – DEFIANCE
A. R. RAHMAN – SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE
HANS ZIMMER – FROST/NIXON

14. BEST ORIGINAL SONG – MOTION PICTURE
“DOWN TO EARTH” — WALL-E
Music by: Peter Gabriel, Thomas Newman
Lyrics by: Peter Gabriel
“GRAN TORINO” — GRAN TORINO
Music by: Clint Eastwood, Jamie Cullum, Kyle Eastwood, Michael Stevens
Lyrics by: Kyle Eastwood, Michael Stevens
“I THOUGHT I LOST YOU” — BOLT
Music & Lyrics by: Miley Cyrus, Jeffrey Steele
“ONCE IN A LIFETIME” — CADILLAC RECORDS
Music & Lyrics by: Beyoncé Knowles, Amanda Ghost, Scott McFarnon, Ian Dench, James Dring, Jody Street
“THE WRESTLER” — THE WRESTLER
Music & Lyrics by: Bruce Springsteen

15. BEST TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA
DEXTER (SHOWTIME)
Showtime/John Goldwyn Productions/The Colleton Company/Clyde Phillips Productions
HOUSE (FOX)
Universal Media Studios in association with Heel and Toe Films, Shore Z Productions and Bad Hat Harry Productions
IN TREATMENT (HBO)
Sheleg, Closest to the Hole Productions in association with HBO Entertainment
MAD MEN (AMC)
Lionsgate Television
TRUE BLOOD (HBO)
Your Face Goes Here Productions in association with HBO Entertainment

16. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA
SALLY FIELD – BROTHERS AND SISTERS
MARISKA HARGITAY –LAW AND ORDER: SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT
JANUARY JONES – MAD MEN
ANNA PAQUIN – TRUE BLOOD
KYRA SEDGWICK – THE CLOSER

17. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA
GABRIEL BYRNE – IN TREATMENT
MICHAEL C. HALL – DEXTER
JON HAMM – MAD MEN (Although I can see it going to Hall as well)
HUGH LAURIE – HOUSE
JONATHAN RHYS MEYERS – THE TUDORS

18. BEST TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL
30 ROCK (NBC)
Universal Media Studios in association with Broadway Video and Little Stranger Inc.
CALIFORNICATION (SHOWTIME)
Showtime Presents in association with Aggressive Mediocrity, And Then...
ENTOURAGE (HBO)
Leverage and Closest to the Hole Productions in association with HBO Entertainment
THE OFFICE (NBC)
Deedle Dee Productions, Reveille LLC, Universal Media Studios
WEEDS (SHOWTIME)
Lionsgate Television

19.BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES –COMEDY OR MUSICAL
CHRISTINA APPLEGATE – SAMANTHA WHO?
AMERICA FERRERA – UGLY BETTY
TINA FEY – 30 ROCK
DEBRA MESSING – THE STARTER WIFE
MARY-LOUISE PARKER – WEEDS

20. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL
ALEC BALDWIN – 30 ROCK
STEVE CARELL – THE OFFICE
KEVIN CONNOLLY – ENTOURAGE
DAVID DUCHOVNY – CALIFORNICATION
TONY SHALHOUB – MONK

21. BEST MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
A RAISIN IN THE SUN (ABC)
Sony Pictures Television
BERNARD AND DORIS (HBO
Trigger Street Independent Productions in association with Little Bird and Chicago Films and HBO Films
CRANFORD (PBS)
A Co-Production of BBC and WGBH Boston.
JOHN ADAMS (HBO)
Playtone in association with HBO Films
RECOUNT (HBO)
Spring Creek/Mirage Productions in association with Trigger Street Productions, Everyman Pictures and HBO Films

22. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
JUDI DENCH – CRANFORD
CATHERINE KEENER – AN AMERICAN CRIME
LAURA LINNEY – JOHN ADAMS
SHIRLEY MACLAINE – COCO CHANEL
SUSAN SARANDON – BERNARD AND DORIS

23. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
RALPH FIENNES – BERNARD AND DORIS
PAUL GIAMATTI – JOHN ADAMS
KEVIN SPACEY – RECOUNT
KIEFER SUTHERLAND – 24: REDEMPTION
TOM WILKINSON – RECOUNT

24. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
EILEEN ATKINS – CRANFORD
LAURA DERN – RECOUNT
MELISSA GEORGE – IN TREATMENT
RACHEL GRIFFITHS – BROTHERS AND SISTERS
DIANNE WIEST – IN TREATMENT

25. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
NEIL PATRICK HARRIS – HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER
DENIS LEARY – RECOUNT
JEREMY PIVEN – ENTOURAGE
BLAIR UNDERWOOD – IN TREATMENT
TOM WILKINSON – JOHN ADAMS

Hallelujah!!

2008-11-25T14:40:00.003-05:00

In a twist of delicious irony, conservative loud-mouth and the all-around Queen of racist ass-hats - Ann Coulter has broken her jaw and had to have it wired shut. As in no disgusting reactionary racist sentiments can come out of her pie-hole..not that she isn't still thinking it (and as Lewis Black says "If you think it, you said it asshole!"). NY Post reports:

although we didn't think it would be pos sible to silence Ann Coulter, the leggy
reaction- ary broke her jaw and the mouth that roared has been wired shut

It about freakin time! Now all we need to do is drop a house on this bitch and be done with her.

Whoops HuffPo

2008-11-24T13:58:00.005-05:00

Big news day as Obama announces his economic team. The kind of news day liberal minded news sites, like say Huffington Post, could really sink their teeth into and take advantage of. But it appears someone may have dropped the ball at the HuffPo...

I'm not so sure they captured Larry Summers from his "good side".

Let's take a look at the full image they decided to use on their front page...

Is it just me or does it look like these guys just came back from a water chugging contest in Tijuana?

Trailer Watch: Adventureland & The Wrestler

2008-11-24T12:06:00.007-05:00

Although last week saw the release of new trailers for some big-time motion pictures including Disney's Race To Witch Mountain and J.J. Abrams' Star Trek, there were two trailers for lesser known (depending on who you are talking to) movies that really caught my attention.

Adventureland

"It was the worst job they ever imagined...and the best time of their lives."

First up is Greg Mattola's Adventureland. It is the story of a recent college graduate who takes a shit job at a local amusement park to make some extra cash. The story is based on Mattola's own experiences working at Adventureland Amusement Park on Long Island.

I have some fond (and some not-so-fond) memories of hanging out at Adventureland in summers past, drinking malt liquor out of 40oz Blimpie cups, and trying not to get sick on the Pirate Ship & Musik Express.

Adventureland is a coming-of-age comedy written & directed by Greg Mattola, who made is bones in Hollywood with last year's coming-of-age comedy hit Superbad. It stars Jesse Eisenberg, Ryan Reynolds, Bill Hader, Kristen Wiig, Martin Starr, and my current (Twilight aside) celeb crush Kristen Stewart.

The Wrestler

Next up is Darren Aronofky's critically acclaimed The Wrestler. This film picked up HUGE buzz off the festivals, mostly due to the comeback performance of Mickey Rourke. I have read nothing but amazing things about this film and it will surely get lots of mentions, especially for Rourke, come Oscar time.

I have never been a huge Aronofsky fan, but this looks like one of those films that doesn't come around to often. I will definitely be checking it out when it hits theaters next month.

The Wrestler is directed by Darren Aronofsky (Pi, Requiem for a Dream, The Fountain) and stars Mickey Rourke, Marisa Tomei, and Evan Rachel Wood. It hits theaters Dec. 17th, 2008.

Side note: Did you ever think we could potentially have an Oscar's that would have Mickey Rourke and Robert Downey Jr. both potentially winning awards? How do you think Tatum O'Neal is feeling about this?

Saved By Zero Kills

2008-11-21T14:48:00.001-05:00

Genius!

"Enemy" & "Jungle" Get The Axe From NBC

2008-11-14T12:21:00.002-05:00

It was announced this week that "My Own Worst Enemy" starring Christian Slater and "Lipstick Jungle" were both being canceled by NBC.

This comes as no surprise, even though it seemed like NBC was pushing "Enemy" hard (it's television ads were nearly as ubiquitous as those damn "saved by zero" spots) and "Jungle" had been for some unknown reason given a second season. Both shows sucked so hard they could take the chrome off a tailpipe.

What is surprising....that shit stain of a show "Knight Rider" survives. Producers of the show claim to be re-vamping the show, but not even the fact that Val "Iceman" Kilmer does the voice of K.I.T.T. can save it.

Looking on the bright side, "Friday Night Lights" will take one of these time slots once it returns to NBC after its run on Directv.

Of course with the failure of the much hyped "Enemy", last season's disaster "Bionic Woman", and a steady decline in ratings for "Heroes" there is some mudslinging going on at NBC. It appears that once again Co-Chairman Ben Silverman (the apparent Teflon Don of NBC) will once again avoid taking any heat for the failure of prominent NBC shows. The shit storm all seems to be touching down in Universal Media President Katherine Pope's domain. Pope, who was one of the original producers of "Heroes", basically got the job based on the success of that show. Now there is concern that she is qualified for the job. According the the NY Post (I know, a dubious source) she has gotten the nickname "The Black Widow" because "every show she touches turns to death". Ouch.

Meanwhile Silverman, who hasn't had the best run of luck with shows lately either (we looking at you Knight Rider, Kath & Kim, and Crusoe), is in talks to re-up his contract with the studio. Yeah, it seems his failures save the company money and it's all about the bottom line and not silly things like ratings and quality.

The way I see it, as long as NBC keeps "The Office", "30 Rock", and "Chuck" going I am a happy camper.

Linday Lohan is an Out of Touch Tool

2008-11-11T17:09:00.002-05:00

Lindsay Lohan went into her interview with Access Hollywood's Maria Menounos determined to show just how smart she really is. She decided to hit the ground running and jump right in to the hot topic of politics and the election of Barack Obama. Things went pretty well for Lohan...for about 30 seconds. That's about when she referred to Obama as "our first colored president".

Colored. Seriously.

Lohan went on to say "As the chairman of the Welcoming Committee, it is my privilege to extend a laurel, and hearty handshake to our new . . . n****r."

(Just kidding...that was good old Howard Johnson from Blazing Saddles.)

Headline: "City Councilam Pisses On A Crowd Of People, Gets Arrested"...He Must Be From New Jersey.

2008-11-10T15:39:00.003-05:00

Yup, I was right. Jersey City, NJ City Councilman (for the time being) Steve Lipski got drunk and pissed off a 2nd floor balcony onto the crowd below him at a concert in Washington DC. This is as good of a metaphor for government that I have ever heard. NBC New York reports:

A Jersey City councilman has reportedly been arrested for urinating on a
crowd of concertgoers from the balcony of a Washington D.C. nightclub.
The New York Daily News reports in Sunday's editions that two-term Jersey
City councilman Steve Lipski has been charged with simple assault.
The newspaper says 44-year-old Lipski was removed from a place called the
9:30 Club on Friday night. That's after club staffers saw him relieve himself
onto the crowd from a second floor balcony during a concert by a Grateful Dead
tribute band.

I salute you Councilman Lipski. You have struck a might blow against the hippie horde. Their passive nature and pitchouli stench threaten our way of life. Bravo sir.

And It Begins

2008-11-07T09:09:00.002-05:00

President-elect Barack Obama's motorcade had to make an unexpected stop while on their way to a security briefing with the FBI in Chicago. An LA Times pool reporter witnessed the incident:

The SUV cut the car off immediately, and the security team aimed their weapons
at the car. The driver and passenger in the sedan stopped, and looked stunned --
until the male driver appeared to understand what was happening (your pool
reporter could see him mouth "Obama"). The motorcade continued on. The sedan
remained stopped, near the side of the road. [...] Some of the drivers here in
Chicago do not seem to understand that a) the Chicago police car at the end of
the president-elect's motorcade is serious about having traffic pull over when
the officers flash their lights and hit their sirens, and b) it's not a great
idea to jump ahead of traffic by trying to cut around the black SUV filled with
five heavily-armed secret service CAT members.

I love the part about the driver mouthing "Obama". I am pretty sure they left out the part where he mouth "oh shit" and then winced a little as he crapped his pants.

Someone Needs A Xanax

2008-11-06T17:41:00.001-05:00

It appears no one is taking the 2008 election results harder than W's dog Barney.

"That One" Won

2008-11-05T15:02:00.007-05:00

(Patrck Moberg)

Pretty. Friggin. Cool.

Now the real work begins. Even though President-Elect Barack H. Obama does not get sworn in until Jan. 20th his transition into this nation’s highest office starts today.

First order of business is selecting and naming his first Chief-of Staff. Front runner for the position is Rep. Rahm Emanuel, the 4th highest ranking Democrat in the House of Representatives, Chair of the Democratic Caucus, and the man mostly responsible for the Democrats huge success in the 2006 elections.

I LOVE this choice. Emanuel is widely regarded as an enforcer and pit-bull (no lipstick). He was one of the principles that helped get Bill Clinton elected and was for a long time considered “the brains” of the Clinton White House. He was the staffer that took on the projects everyone viewed as unwinnable…and won. He was responsible for things like the ban on assault weapons and squaring off with Republicans on Clinton Impeachment. In a 2005 feature about Emanuel in Rolling Stone magazine the politician from Chicago was described as:

He's got this big old pair of brass balls, and you can just hear 'em clanking
when he walks down the halls of Congress," says Paul Begala, who served with
Emanuel on Clinton's staff. "The Democratic Party is full of Rhodes scholars --
Rahm is a road warrior. He's just what the Democrats need to fight back."

More importantly, he was the basis for the character Joshua Lyman on The West Wing. (Interesting note: His brother Ari is a Hollywood agent and the basis for Ari on Entourage).

My favorite story about Emanuel that I have heard though is about the night after Clinton won the election. While at a celebratory dinner with his colleagues, he became so enraged about the newly elected president’s enemies that he stood up and starting listing off their names, shouting “Dead…dead…dead” after each name and stabbing the table with a steak knife.

This guy is my kind of lunatic!

Spielberg and A Shit-Ton of Famous People

2008-10-29T16:12:00.001-04:00

VOTE!

(Jason Segal is a Republican? I am confused.)

(Props to Timberlake for funniest line)

America...Fuck Yeah! (Part 3 in a Series)

2008-10-28T15:39:00.001-04:00

This video is part of the America...Fuck Yeah! series.

After a struggle spanning more than 70 years the women's suffrage movement secured the right to vote for women in the US with the passing of the 19th Amendment. Listen closely after watching this video; you can hear Elizabeth Stanton, Lucretia Mott, and Susan B. Anthony rolling over in their graves.

A-Rod, No Pants, Madonna Nowhere To Be Seen

2008-10-27T16:10:00.001-04:00

Guitar Hero 4's newest TV spot, or as I like to call it "A Collection of the Douchiest Athletes of All-Time".

A-Rod, Tony Hawk, Golden Boy Phelps, and Kobe reenact Tom Cruise's lip-Synch scene in Risky Business.

Notice how they only put the black man in pants in order to not embarrass the others.

Will Ferrell's W. Makes Triumphacated Return

2008-10-24T10:24:00.004-04:00

I keep forgetting about SNL Weekend Update Thursday Edition. Last night Will Ferrell revived his George W Bush caricature to give his endorsement in this important election between "the hot lady and the Tiger Woods guy". Tina Fey shows up for yet another strong performance as Sarah Palin.

I recently heard an interview with SNL Head Writer Seth Meyers during which he discussed Ferrell's W. character. Meyer's talked about how it became increasingly difficult for Ferrell to do the character after 9/11. Bush had transcended from this Joe College president to the country's pillar of strength in one of our darkest hours. He could no longer in full faith play W. as the frat boy in the oval office. Now that W. is a lame duck, it appears it's game on for Ferrell.

Ferrell intends on bringing his W. character to Broadway early 2009 (around the inauguration).

(Transcript can be found below)

WILL FERRELL AS PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH - "Hello, my fellow Americans. I have chosen to schedule this impromptu address at night because quite frankly every time I speak during the day, the Stock Market goes in the crapper. So, sorry, Asian markets. You take the hit on this one. I come to you tonight in the midst of a very important election between two very qualified candidates: the hot lady and the Tiger Woods guy. Both candidates are heavily patriotized and display much characterization. And yes, I did have three Xanax and a Silver Bullet about a half-hour ago. I'm out of here in a few months, so screw it. But before I leave I wanted to help Sarah Palin and John McCain by giving them what every candidate wants most: a prime-time heavily publicized network endorsement from George W. Bush. Hey, don't pinch yourself John, you are awake!"

FERRELL AS BUSH (CONT'D) -- "Now I tried to do this several months ago but somehow it kept getting pushed to a written press release or a shouted sentence as I walked to the helicopter. I began to suspect that they didn't want my endorsement to be too public. But now with the country on a big upswing and my numbers on the rise, I thought it was time to give a proper, large scale 'much love' to McCain and Palin..."
(WILL FORTE, as an AIDE enters and whispers in BUSH's ear)

FERRELL AS BUSH (CONT'D) - "What? Really? Why didn't you tell me Jeff? I've just been told by my trusted aide Jeff, that the country is actually in a horrible downward spiral and that my approval numbers are lower than ever. That one's on me. Four months ago, I declared the Oval Office a bummer-free zone. So... You know what, let's bring on Senator McCain and Governor Palin."

(TINA FEY as GOVERNOR SARAH PALIN enters smiling and waving and sits next to BUSH on the front the desk)

TINA FEY AS GOVERNOR SARAH PALIN - "So nice to meet you, Mr. President. I've seen you on TV."
FERRELL AS BUSH - "Where's McRage?"

FEY AS PALIN - "You know, John McCain and I have been so busy travelin' around this great country of ours talkin' about change and energy independence and William Ayers, and doin' a little shoppin', but unfortunately Senator McCain, upon hearing you wanted to give him a super public endorsement, cannot be found. He was last seen travelin' on foot through the Adirondacks. But my husband and two of his drinkin' buddies are in pursuit on snowmachines.

FERRELL AS BUSH - "Well, We'll smoke him out. George Bush always finds his man save for one huge exception."

FEY AS PALIN - "We are gonna get 'er done."

FERRELL AS BUSH - "My God you are folksy."

FEY AS PALIN - "Why thank you Mr. President. I like to think I'm one part practiced folksy , one part sassy and a little dash of high school bitchy."

FERRELL AS BUSH - "For a little while I was trying to be folksy but after a bit, it just came off douchey. All right, let me get into my endorsement for you as Vice President. As you know America, the office of Vice President is the most important office in the land. The Vice President decides when we go to war, how we tax the citizens and how we interpret the Constitution. The President can do nothing without checking with the Vice President. That is why Sarah Palin..."

FEY AS PALIN - "Actually, Mr. President, I don't want to go all Katie Couric on you, but I think it's actually the other way around. I think the Vice President reports to the President."

FERRELL AS BUSH - "Really? That's not what Dick Cheney told me when he sat me down on the first day."

(DARRELL HAMMOND as SENATOR JOHN MCCAIN is brought in, struggling with JASON SUDEIKIS as TODD PALIN in a snowsuit.)

SUDEIKIS AS TODD PALIN - "We out-mavericked the maverick!"

HAMMOND AS MCCAIN - "Good evening, my friends. Mr. President, always a pleasure."

FERRELL AS BUSH - "Good to see you, John. Hey let's get a photo of this; it'll really help your campaign out. Now let me do this: I, George W. Bush, endorse John McCain and Sarah Palin with all my heart..."
(MCCAIN tries to drift out of frame but is pulled back by BUSH)FERRELL AS BUSH (cont'd) - "John was there for me ninety percent of the time over the last eight years. When you think of John McCain, think of me, George W. Bush. Think of this face. When you're in the voting booth, before you vote - picture this face right here. A vote for John McCain is a vote for George W. Bush.(to MCCAIN) You're welcome. So, I want to be there you, John for the next eight years."

FEY AS PALIN -The next sixteen years!

FERRELL AS BUSH - (to an off-camera photographer) "Let's get a safety. I think I blinked on that last shot. Thumbs up, everybody. But most of all I support them because...Live from New York...It's Saturday Night!!!!

America...Fuck Yeah! (part 2 of a series)

2008-10-22T16:22:00.007-04:00

Welcome to "America...Fuck Yeah!" a series of stories, articles, and anecdotes about the various personalities involved in upcoming election and the American citizens that will be voting for them. This series aims to shine a light on a broad cross-section of absurdity in the American political experience. It will try to be nonpartisan (as much as humanly possible) and thought provoking…the thought more often than not being "Ummm maybe we should consider Canada".

That Scarf Makes You Look Like An Ass!

We have all read about the $150,000 that the McCain/Palin campaign has spent on new clothing and accessories for Sarah Palin and family. Personally I am OK with this, even though that kind of money can probably buy a family a home in some of these “small-towns” that Palin likes to call “real America”; I realize the RNC can’t have their VP candidate and family running around in Hooters t-shirts and trucker hats. They had to get them a new wardrobe.

At a campaign stop in Reno, NV on Tuesday Gov. Palin broke out an accessory from her shopping spree. Photos show the candidate wearing a brightly colored red white & blue scarf with the word “vote” on it. It’s a patriotic keffiyeh that advocates voting…no problem there, right?

Wait… are the animals doing the conga line around the word vote what I think they are?

You betcha! Those are Donkeys, the mascot of Democratic Party. But Gov. Palin would never adorn herself with such an anti-American beast on purpose right? This is obviously some sort of conspiracy by those pinko commie un-patriotic liberal left wing socialist radicals at Saks Fifth Avenue and Neiman Marcus.

This woman may be Vice President. America…Fuck Yeah!

(H/T to Huffpo & Jezebel) (Images from Getty)

America...Fuck Yeah! (Part 1 of series)

2008-10-21T13:48:00.004-04:00

The first post in this series was originally posted yesterday over on Deus Ex Malcontent. It is a no-joke, totally exists, posting from the Christ-centric online community "In Jesus".

Block African witchcraft curses against McCain and Palin NOW!
Jim Bramlett Sep 28 2008 04:12PM

Dear friends:THIS IS EXTREMELY SERIOUS.Minutes ago I spoke with
friend Dr. Norman G. Marvin, M.D. and he is so concerned at what he has learned
about Barack Obama's family in Kenya that he is calling a special prayer meeting
in his home to pray against the witchcraft curses attempted by them against John
McCain and Sarah Palin.Dr. Marvin sent me the below e-mail from Flo
Ellers. Flo is credentialed with the International Fellowship of
Ministries which is based in Washington State. She is also a member of
EndTime Handmaidens and Servants of Jasper, Arkansas.
IF YOU KNOW HOW TO DO SPIRITUAL WARFARE, PLEASE PRAY TODAY AND
CONTINUALLY THAT ALL SUCH CURSES BE BROKEN AND SATAN'S PLAN FOR AMERICA BE
DEFEATED, IN JESUS' NAME. PRAY AND COVER MCCAIN AND PALIN WITH THE BLOOD
OF CHRIST. IF YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW TO DO SPIRITUAL WARFARE, IT IS TIME YOU
LEARN!!!Jim
______________________________________

From Flo Ellers. Excerpt.

Two days ago, I listened to a 9-6-08 message by Bree Keyton, a young
woman evangelist who had just traveled to Kenya and visited Obama's home village
and what she found out about his relations with his tribal people was chilling.
And his "cousin" Odinga was dreadful. She said the witches, warlocks and those
involved in satanism and the occult get up daily at 3 a.m. to release curses
against McCain and Palin so B. Hussein Obama is elected.

Bree Keyton told the tribal "Christians" you are NOT Christian if you
practice "tribalism" where they do voodoo to conjure up a goddess spirit or a
"genie" and then come to church on Sunday to worship Jesus! What she discovered
there is apparent in most churches around the world; namely, mixture in the
church. Some renounced their devilish practices of blood covenant by killing
sheep, goats, humans to be inducted into the tribe or to get a wife or to get
revenge.

She said the current president of Kenya is a Christian. However,
Obama's cousin Odinga ran aganist him and said he rigged the election and
stirred up the masses to rape woman and boys, kill and burn and torture
Christians, etc. until Obama contacted Condeleeza Rice and she granted Obama the
right to contact Odinga and other ruling elders and he "convinced" them to stop
terrorizing the Christians. Bree Keyton said the current Christian President was
forced by our government (!) to "create" an office for Odinga (to make "peace")
so he was made the Prime Minister (!) to make peace between the Christians and
Odinga's Muslim religion!

Bree Keyton went and visited Obama's tribal people and she found out
Obama is 75% Arab and his family are Muslims. Odinga is strill trying to become
the President of Kenya. If he does, he will make a law forbidding all public
preaching and institute Sharia Law. Bree K. said Odinga has made a pact with
satan.

Bree K. also said when Obama visited his tribe in '06 and as late as
Jan. '08 he went to every elder's home which has a "shrine" inside to worship
the genie and asked for their blessing. She was told Obama and Odinga were both
"destined" before they were born to be president/leader of their nation. They
say "he is the chosen one". She said Obama's grandmother sacrificed a black and
a white chicken to the "goddess of the river" so both whites and blacks will
vote for Obama. All Islam loves and worships Obama. The world is mesmerized by
him. Oprah's 200 million followers are out to elect Obama. Also, Dick Morris of
Fox News was sent to Kenya to help Odinga run his campaign! I find that
unbelievable.

The occultists are "weaving lazy 8's around McCain's mind to make him
look confused and like an idiot".

Bree K. said we need to break these curses off of him that are being
sent from Kenya.I read a portion of "Obama Nation" book and looked at several
websites and found most of this information to be true, all except the curses
part, of course....End of excerpt.

Don't believe it? Here's the link to "In Jesus". Still don't believe it? Here is the link to Bree Keyton Ministries. Check out the first paragraph of Bree K's bio...classic.

America...Fuck Yeah!

Please check out Deus Ex Malcontent...it truly is some of the smartest writing on the Internet.

Iceland is Broke!

2008-10-08T14:45:00.004-04:00

You read that headline correctly, The Republic of Iceland is currently fighting for their economic lives. According to the Guardian:

By the start of this year, Iceland's three banks had foreign liabilities of more
than $100bn– dwarfing the country's gross domestic product of $14bn.
Now,
suddenly, everything may be gone, the economy wiped out with the same
cataclysmic devastation that was regularly visited on the land by the eruptions
and plagues of earlier centuries.

Now admittedly, apart from Reyka Vodka (yum!) I don't know much about Iceland, their history, or their economic system, but I would have to imagine this is all some sort of karmic retribution for unleashing Bjork on the world.

Here's my suggestion. Let Disney buy the country. Owning a whole country really is the only logical step in the company's progression.

Don't Call It A Comeback

2008-10-07T14:28:00.002-04:00

First off, allow me to apologize for the prolonged and never-mentioned absence. Without getting into details, a few major things happened to me the past few months that pulled me in many directions and acted as a major distraction in my life. Suffice to say this blog became collateral damage.

But that is in the past now and we are back online.

You can expect to see the usual array of entertainment and pop-culture stories and news, as well as some possible new features (don't want to say anything into everything is set in stone).

I also intend on adding some political coverage for at least the next few months. This is a historic election with the possibility of this country's first African American President or this country's dumbest person (possibly ever) being elected Vice President (I would mention she is the first woman GOP nominee for that position, but her stupidity exceeds her femininity by a long shot). We as a nation in many respects are at a precipice...strap in folks, it's gonna get interesting.

I am thrilled to be back and am looking forward to bringing the snark.
(If things seem a tad sparse at first please bear with me as I get the ball rolling again.)

John Waters Returns!

2008-05-08T14:33:00.003-04:00

John Waters is back and is as crazy as ever! Waters newest project is called Fruitcake and its plot sounds about as odd as one would expect from a Waters film...oh and IT"S A CHRISTMAS MOVIE.

via FirstShowing.net
Fruitcake centers on the title character, a boy named after his favorite dessert. He runs away from home during the holidays after he and his parents are caught shoplifting meat, then meets up with a runaway girl raised by two gay men who is searching for her birth mother.

Waters is returning to the directors chair for the first time since his NC-17 flop A Dirty Shame (2004). Johnny Knoxville and Parker Posey have already signed on to the project. Both are solid indie actors that seem tailor made for John Water characters.

I wouldn't be surprised if we saw some cameos from many of the previous John Waters players or some of the cast members of the remake of Hairspray.

I was raised on Hairspray (the movie, not my parents spraying aerosol cans in my face...although it may explain a few things), so I am always excited when a new Waters film comes along.

2008-05-05T16:03:00.003-04:00

Iron Man made $104, 250,000 domestically this weekend (including its Thursday cash intake). That makes it the second biggest non-sequel and tenth biggest overall opening of all-time.

From everything I have heard this movie is the tits! It has the rare combination of audience and critics approval. For further proof just look at its score at Rotten Tomatoes...a super impressive 94% fresh.

I think what is getting lost amongst the hype for Iron Man and the feel good story of Robert Downey Jr.'s comeback is that Jon Favreau (yeah the fat guy from Rudy) may have just made the "perfect" movie.

For those of you going to see it, or are going to see it again, stick around till after the credits for a surprise scene that gives us a hint about future Marvel Studios movies.

Miley Cyrus' Yard Gets Stomped!

2008-05-02T14:54:00.004-04:00

Random video day continues.

Turns out when Miley Cyrus isn't creating a stir with relatively tame photos, she's starting online dance wars with the ACDC Dance Crew. Directed by Step Up 2: The Streets director Jon Chu (who is the C in AC) and featuring Adam Sevani (the A in AC), the video is packed with big time cameos by the likes of Lindsay Lohan, Adam Sandler, Diana Ross (?!?!), Chris Brown, Hairspray stars Elijah Kelley, Amanda Bynes and Brittany Snow, Hairspray director/choreographer Adam Shankman, Americas Best Dance Crew winners The Jabbawokeez, and a bunch of So You Think You Can Dance contestants.

The video is bizarre, fun, and mesmerizing all at the same time. Apparently there are a bunch of Hannah Montana references in there as well.

The video that started it:

Watchu Talkin Bout Judge Toler?

2008-05-02T12:17:00.003-04:00

Today is officially creepy, weird, yet funny video day at Haters.
Here's Gary Coleman talking about his less than stellar libido on Divorce Court.

Excuse me while I got enjoy a nice refreshing brain aneurysm.

Geronimooooo!

2008-05-02T09:56:00.002-04:00

This has to be the weirdest/funniest video I've seen in a long time.
India Baby Toss.

This explains why my Dell tech support blows!

Dark Knight Viral Campaign Continues

2008-04-30T12:28:00.002-04:00

If you went to whysoserious.com (the joker themed viral marketing site for The Dark Knight) over the weekend, you would have found coordinates (longitude and latitude) for the various starting points of a Joker themed scavenger hunt in cities around the globe.

The scavenger hunt took the participants all around the city, eventually leading them to the location of a theater that had a special screening of the newest Dark Knight trailer. One lucky participant in each city even got to keep a 35mm copy of the trailer (a very cool souvenir).

Yesterday the first grainy video of the trailer was leaked online.

Today a "Jokerized" version of the same trailer was leaked. This is seriously cool, this is the first time I can remember a "hacked" trailer. The dual viral marketing campaign (Joker & Harvey Dent character based) for this film is pure genius!

Which One Is The Biggest Phallic Symbol?

2008-04-29T17:14:00.003-04:00

This picture of Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt was taken in Washington D.C. a day after the duo appeared at the fucking White House Correspondents Dinner.

Aaaaand I'm moving to Canada.

Trailer Watch: Catch Up Edition

2008-04-24T13:20:00.003-04:00

Due to missing last week's Trailer Watch I am going to do a speed round this week with multiple trailers:

Hancock
The lone blockbuster to come out on July 4th this is year star the Independence Day movie king Will Smith and surprise surprise it's a superhero movie. Well actually it's more like an anti-superhero superhero movie. Smith plays a cranky vagabond begrudging superhero who is in need of an image makeover. The special effects look good and it has the potential of being funny (Will Smith + Jason Bateman = Funny).

Young People F-cking
A movie about young people fucking...go figure. This movie was so popular at the Toronto Film Festival you would have assumed it was about hockey.

Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
A new full length trailer for the next installment of the Narnia films. This trailer definitely makes the film appear to be darker than the first Narnia film. One interesting note on these movies; production has already begun on the third installment The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, but Disney has made no mention of anything beyond that (there are 7 books in the series). In fact Disney has already ramped up their efforts on another multi-film franchise, which pretty much shows they have no faith in the Narnia movies.

Henry Poole Is Here
A dramedy starring Luke Wilson as Henry Poole, a guy who becomes locally famous when believe start to believe they can see an image of Jesus on the side of his house. The movie follows Poole as he learns to deal with his new found fame and faith. The movie reminds me of another quirky dramedy, Stranger Than Fiction, which I really enjoyed.

Hamlet 2
At $10 Million this was the big sale at Sundance. Hamlet 2 is an irreverent comedy about a high school drama teacher looks to motivate his students and save his department by writing a sequel to Shakespeare's "Hamlet". Steve Coogan plays the Dana Marsch, the drama teacher in question. Marsch is a character who is keenly aware of the heroic teachers in films like Dangerous Minds & Lean on Me, in fact he truly believe he is one of them...but he is not. I am a fan of any movie in which Amy Poehler says "The so called Supreme Court can suck my balls!". I should also mention that Hamlet 2 is written by the same people who worked on Team America: World Police and many many South Park episodes, so you know what to expect.

A Sex Tape Classic

2008-04-16T13:52:00.003-04:00

I was M.I.A. for a few days. During that time many different things went down including (but not limited to):

The revelation that Britney Spears has been filming her year long tailspin and the videos will no doubt sell for millions (and that maybe the joke is on us).
Amy Winehouse being entrusted with the well being of another living being. Even for a minute this is a bad idea. Don't believe me? Check out this picture for proof.
Ashlee Simpson getting knocked up, NOT being preggers, and being preggers all over again (more on this in a bit).

My favorite story however is that there is a Marilyn Monroe sex tape, and that's not even the best part. The tape was allegedly made by the FBI!!!

"The footage appears to have been shot in the 1950s. When it came to light in the mid-'60s, then-FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover had his agents spend two weeks futilely trying to prove that Monroe's sex partner was either John F. Kennedy or Robert F. Kennedy, according to declassified agency documents and interviews, Morgan said. The silent black-and-white flick shows Monroe on her knees in front of a man whose face is just out of the shot. He never moves into the shot, indicating that he knew the camera was there, but Monroe never looks at the lens..."

He never shows his face? If I was getting head from Marilyn Monroe I would want everyone to see me and my giant shit-eating grin, because I would be getting head from Marylin Monroe. In fact there would be plenty of footage of me...It would be me high-fiving everyone I see, because I got head from Marilyn Monroe.

The 16mm film of Monroe was reportedly sold to an unnamed businessman for $1.5 Mil. The man who bought the film has stated that it will not be released.

I guess we are just have to settle for for a video of Lindsay Lohan dressed up as Marilyn (again) getting anal from one of the American Gladiators while her face is buried in the crotch of a tranny.

As I mentioned earlier, it was reported at the beginning of the week that Ashlee Simpson was pregnant. Yesterday Ashlee's life partner Pete Wentz got all emo on us and threw a hissy fit until we all believe that Ashlee was in fact not pregnant. Today it is being reported again that she is indeed preggers.

Personally, I am firmly entrenched in the "Not Pregnant" camp because two vagina's don't make a baby. On the other hand, if you told me Pete Wentz was knocked up I'd probably believe you.

Chances are she used the word pregnant as some sort of retard slang and someone overheard and overreacted. For example; "I got a flat tire yesterday, I was soooo pregnant about it!" or "My sister's lips are pregnant" or "I hate Pete Wentz, why won't he just fade into inevitable obscurity already?"...ok that last one was me, but you get the point.

Trailer Watch: Forgetting Sarah Marshall

2008-04-11T15:17:00.003-04:00

Forgetting Sarah Marshall is the latest salvo in the Judd Apatow dominance of Hollywood. FSM stars Jason Segel, who plays a guy who goes on vacation to get over his recent break-up with his TV star girlfriend (Fanboy favorite Kristen Bell), only to find out she is staying at the same resort with her new beau. I'm sure heartfelt hilarity ensues. From the looks of it FSM will continue in the proud tradition of The 40 year Old Virgin, Knocked Up, and Superbad.

FSM also has one hell of a supporting cast; Mila Kunis (!), Russell Brand, Bill Hader, Jack McBrayer (!!), Jason Bateman, and the Apatow Players -- Paul Rudd, Jonah Hill, and Carla Gallo. In the BA* years this movie would have been starring Ben Stiller and his "Frat Pack" buddies, so I'd have to say upgrade.

I'm really expecting Jason Segel to follow in fellow Apatow disciple Seth Rogen's footsteps and blow up once this movie is released on the 18th. I have been a fan of his all the way back to when he played Eric, the obsessive ex-boyfriend of Lizzie (Carla Gallo), on "Undeclared". He was hysterical in Knocked Up and currently he stars on "How I Met Your Mother", one of my favorite sitcoms. Segel also recently announced that he has a new Muppets movie in the works, which, if done right and with the right people (I'm assuming he will tap guys like Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill, Jay Baruchel, etc. to take part) could be awesome.

Dios Mio!

2008-04-10T14:48:00.003-04:00

Venezuelan "President" Hugo Chavez has banned The Simpsons from airing in his country because he is a crazy asshat. Ole' Chuckles Chavez claims the cartoon is "inappropriate" for children.

What did they replace this "inappropriate" show that was tainting the minds of the Venezuelan youth with?

Baywatch: Hawaii.

¡Viva el Hoff!

Way Behind on NBC "In-Front"

2008-04-09T12:29:00.005-04:00

Last week NBC held a mini-Upfront, or what they are now calling "In-Front" (they did theirs ahead of the other networks and gave it a cute name). In case you are unaware an upfront is where networks roll out their new schedules for the upcoming year.

Let's check out what NBC has day-by-day.

Sunday
During the fall Sundays on NBC is a good new/bad news situation. Good news - Sunday Night Football! Bad news - The return of the John Madden/AlMichaels announce team. I'm dumber just thinking about it.
After the football season two new shows, "Merlin" and "Kings", will bookend "Medium" in the 9pm slot. Bet you can't guess what Merlin is about. Give up? "Merlin" is about a young Merlin and Arthur in Camelot. Don't know much about this one yet, but could be interesting. Will keep an eye out. The other show, "Kings", is a modernized version of the King David Bible stories. Other than IanMcShane being attached, I could care less.

Monday
"Chuck" and Heroes" will return in the fall to their normal time slots. The 10pm slot in the fall will be "My Own Worst Enemy" the new show starring Christian Slater. Slater plays a suburban father/spy. The catch is Slater's character has a split personalities separated by a "wall". When the wall deteriorates, Slater becomes his own worst enemy. Crazy Christian Slater = Awesome.

In the Spring the 10pm slot will be filled be another new show called "The Philanthropist" about ...and I'm not kidding here...swear to God this is true....a vigilante philanthropist. Unless Bill Gates is being hired out to clip those that have done society wrong, I'm tuning out.

Mondays will also have it's fair share of "Deal or No Deal" and more "American Gladiator" with philandering (which is completely different than philanthropy) host Hulk Hogan.

Tuesday
starting at 8pm "The Biggest Loser" returns for back-to-back seasons (Fall & Spring). If you are not into fat bodies why not try dead bodies at 10pm when "Law & Order:SVU" returns to its normal time slot for another year.

In the 9pm hour we have "Kath & Kim", an Aussie import starring Selma Blair playing the daughter to Molly Shannon's mother (If you do the math, Molly Shannon would have to had given birth at the age of 8). "K&K" is Exec. Produced & Directed by PaulFeig who, I just recently learned, is one of those guys in Hollywood I really respected but never knew their name. Feig is the creator of the Apatow produced "Freaks & Geeks" and has directed episodes of "Undeclared", "Arrested Development", "30 Rock", "Mad Men", "Weeds", and "The Office". I'm gonna giveFeig the benefit of the doubt and give this show a chance.

Wednesday
There is no good reason to watch the Peacock on Wednesdays this fall. It is a veritable shit storm of crap TV. Fucking "Knight Rider" and "Lipstick Jungle" with even more "Deal or No Deal" shoved in between.

In the Spring NBC's televised Colonoscopy lets up a bit. The original "Law & Order" takes over at 10pm.

In the Summer NBC brings us a new reality show called "Shark Taggers". The show is literally about a bunch of marine biologists the follow around and tag sharks. It's shark fever, catch it! "Shark Taggers" will be followed by "Paint Drying" & "Grass Growing". Fuck Wednesdays.

Thursday
Almost all of the favorites are coming back. Regular episodes of"My Name is Earl" & "30 Rock" and then more of those hour long episodes of "The Office"*. Not really sure why they are doing the hour episodes again as it really diluted the show and threw off the pacing. But not to worry, the hour long episodes won't last all season. When "The Office" returns to its normal 30 minute format NBC will fill the second half hour with prime time episodes of "SNL" focused entirely on politics. The 30 minute political SNL's will be comprised of sketches and mini-Weekend (Weekday?) Updates. I love this idea, it has got to be one of the best NBC has ever had.

"ER" returns for a 19 episode last hoorah. Once "ER" takes its final bow it will be replaced by "Celebrity Apprentice". Whatever.

* Did you know "The Office" is gonna have a spinoff? Not sure what it's going to be yet, but I have heard from a trusted source that it does not involve any main characters and possibly focuses on the warehouse guys. All I do know for sure is that it is the same creative team behind "The Office" so I will give this the benefit of the doubt as well.

You might have noticed that there is no "Scrubs" mention. Well as far as NBC is concerned "Scrubs" is done. There is a chance the remaining episodes will find a home on ABC, but nothing has been announced.

Friday
Friday is where TV shows go to die. "Crusoe", a new take on the old Robinson Crusoe story, has been stranded here (get it?). "Crusoe" is obviously gonna be crap and won't last long. After "Crusoe" (until its inevitable cancellation) will be even even more "Deal or No Deal". No Deal please.

In January is the triumphant return of "Friday Night Lights". FNL season 3 will run first on DirecTV and then on NBC. I'll take what I can get.

Saturday
SNL.

Between now and the Fall season NBC is planning webisodes of shows like "30 Rock", "Chuck", and "The Office". Also new 30Rock360 with Jack Donaghey.

Don't forget new episodes of "30 Rock" and "The Office" tomorrow night!

Charlton Heston Dead at 84

2008-04-07T13:12:00.003-04:00

Screen legend and former president of the NRA, Charlton Heston, died due to undisclosed causes over the weekend. The acting icon, who was either 83 or 84 depending on who you ask (because apparently accurate record keeping 80 years ago was too much to ask for), had reportedly been suffering from the devastating effects of Alzheimer's Disease for a few years.

Charlton Heston was best known for his starring roles in classics like Ben Hur, Planet of the Apes, Soylent Green, Omega Man, Earthquake, and Airplane 75.

Please allow me now to be the 1,095,873,000th person to make the following joke...wait for it....waaiit for it....We can finally pry that gun from his cold, dead hands!

New Dark Knight Stills!

2008-04-04T16:23:00.003-04:00

New stills from The Dark Knight have hit the webs. These pictures further prove that this movie is going to redefine the meaning of awesome. Enjoy.

(click to enlarge the images)

As you might be able to tell from the pictures and trailers it appears Christopher Nolan and Co. have brought the Bat out the dark, so to speak. It seems there will me a lot more of the next Batman film taking place during the day, a departure from previous Batman movies.

Rick Roll'd

2008-04-04T14:08:00.002-04:00

I am about nine months behind the "Rick Roll'd" pop culture phenomenon. In case you dont know, Rick Roll'd is when you are tricked into watching the video for Rick Astley's unbearably catchy"Never Gonna Give You Up". Getting "Rick Roll'd" most commonly happens when someone sends you a link claiming to be something other than Astley.

From what I can tell the trend started in gaming forums where gamers would click on links for "exclusive footage" of new top secret games, the new Grand Theft Auto for instance, and instead get "Rick Roll'd".

"Rick Roll'd" can also be used in a more general sense to describe any deception or trick. For example: "Elliot Spitzer had us all Rick Roll'd with his tough stance on prostitution. Dude really loves hookers!"

I don't know why but I find this to be fucking hysterical.

Consider yourself Rick Roll'd!

American Teen Poster Seems Eerily Familiar

2008-04-01T15:27:00.023-04:00

American Teen, a documentary about 5 seniors and their "cliques" in a small Indiana high school, premiered at the Sundance Film Festival this past year and garnered rave reviews. Director Nanette Burstein received a directing award and the film was nominated for a grand jury prize. It was purchased by Paramount Vantage at the festival and will surely be the "hot" documentary of 2008.

Last week a new catchphrase and poster for American Teen were released:

They were five total strangers, with nothing in common, except the school they went to. A heartthrob, a princess, a jock, a rebel and a geek. Before the year was over, they broke the rules. Bared their souls. And changed in ways they never dreamed possible.

(click to enlarge)

Look familiar?

(click to enlarge)

That's right...it's almost a carbon copy of the The Breakfast Club. Check out the side by side comparison put together by the good folks over at firstshowing.net.

Obviously they are trying to tap into the nostalgia of The Breakfast Club (and fellow John Hughes films), but isn't that promotional tactic a bit self limiting? Unless you are a kid of the 80's and grew up on the "brat pack" movies, do you really feel nostalgic about these films? Are kids these days even aware of The Breakfast club? If they are, can they identify with it they way the 80's generation does? I seriously doubt it.

Add this "Breakfast Club for the next generation" with the announced "Beverly Hills 90210 for the next generation" show in the works, and the rumored NKOTB reunion and we may be on the verge of a nostalgia revolution. Time to break out my old Hypercolor t-shirts and Kriss Kross albums.

In honor of this blatant rip off I thought it might be fun to do a Brat Pack then & now:

Emilio Esteves

Then

Now

Ally Sheedy
Then

Now

Judd Nelson
Then

Now (Yikes!)

Demi Moore
Then

Now

Andrew McCarthy
Then

Now

Anthony Michael Hall
Then

Now

Molly Ringwald
Then

Now

Rob Lowe
Then

Now

Rob definitely aged the best..unless of course crazy is your thing, then give Judd a call.

Trailer Watch: International Edition

2008-03-27T13:16:00.009-04:00

The French and their crazy sexual dramas are at it again. Just check out the plotline for Naissance Des Pieuvres (Water Lilies) -
One summer, three fifteen-year-old girls–Marie, Anne and Floriane–share secrets in the girl's locker room. Desire erupts. They will never be able to forget their first time
I have to warn you that that trailer for Water Lilies is one the edgiest trailers that will ever be posted in a Trailer Watch.

That's not the reason I am posting it though; the film is actually supposed to be pretty damn good. It currently has a rating of 100% on Rotten Tomatoes (over 10 reviews) which is pretty impressive.

Water Lilies, written and directed by first timer Celine Sciamma, debuted at the 2007 Cannes Film Festival and will hit theaters in a limited release on April 4th.

Mongol is the story of young Genghis Kahn and how the event of his life shaped him to be one of the greatest conquerors of all time. It was nominated for the 2007 Oscar for Foreign Language Film (Kazakhstan). I don't know much about the movie, but I do know that Genghis Kahn makes pirates and half naked Spartans look like bunch of nancies swinging their purses. I will see this movie for no other reason than Genghis Kahn was a bad ass mother-- shut your mouth.

Mongol is directed by Russian auteur Sergei Bodrov and will have a limited release on June 6th.

Horton Hears Cha-Ching

2008-03-24T12:47:00.006-04:00

Hope everyone had a nice long holiday weekend. The folks over at Fox certainly did. Their animated feature film Horton Hears A Who!, starring Jim Carrey and Steve Carrel, retained its #1 spot at the box-office. The film based on the Dr. Seuss book of the same name has racked up close to $87 Million since opening nationwide 2 weeks ago.

"Horton Hears A Who!" was always one of my favorite children's book/indictments of McCarthyism Politics of the late 40's and 50's .

For those of you still feeling the sting of the dual rapings of your childhood memories of Dr. Seuss books; the ones perpetrated by the live action versions of How the Grinch Stole Christmas & The Cat in the Hat...not to worry! From everything I have read the filmmakers actually did a good job taking the basic story of the book (which is only 20 something pages long) and creating a nice little movie out of it.

If you check out the images (click for larger) you can see that the animation, done by Blue Sky Studios (the guys who did the Ice Age movies), actually looks pretty spectacular. I really haven't paid much attention to this movie up till now, but with all the positive stuff I've heard I may have to go check it out.On a side note...It always pissed me off to no end when I see these crazy Pro-Life invoking "Horton" and its recurring quote "A person's a person, no matter how small" as their rallying call in their anti-abortion debate.

"Horton Hears A Who!" wasn't written to be a pro-choice statement, nor was it meant to be a Jesus allegory as other desperate-for-attention religious groups have claimed. In fact Dr. Seuss's wife (Mrs. Seuss?) has sued these groups in an attempt to get them to stop using the book for their causes.

Pro-Choice supporters on the other hand have chosen a lesser know Seuss work called "Cindy Lou Gets an Abortion" with its not so famous quote "A person's only a person after the second trimester" (you try putting trimester into a Seussian rhyme, it's impossible I tired!).

Madness

2008-03-20T11:39:00.004-04:00

There is a lot going on. It's celebrity sex tape week, with new celebrity sex scandals popping up every day (we've already had the Kristin Davis images, Spitzer's hooker logging hours of tape for Girls Gone Wild when she turned 18, and new today a possible Lindsay Lohan BJ)... Winona "Sticky Fingaz" Ryder apparantly got caught shoplifting...again.... Paul McCartney's ex-wife, Peg Leg McCuntface, won close to $40 Mil in her divorce settlement and is looking for more...Pete Wentz admits to failing at suicide (just like he is failing at manliness) and prolonging our national pain...and much much more.

But you know what? It's NCAA Tourney time! I'll be watching games for the next two days and will be MIA.

Go Chicken Nugget!

2008-03-19T13:15:00.003-04:00

Food Fight, directed By Stefan Nadelman, is described as "An abridged history of American-centric warfare, from WWII to present day, told through the foods of the countries in conflict." It is one of the smartest, most creative shorts I have ever seen.

Although Food Fight can certainly be considered tongue-in-cheek it does not shy away from the more sensitive areas of American armed conflict, including the bombing of Hiroshima and a depiction of the 9/11 attacks in NYC. Normally I reject cinematic depictions of 9/11 as exploitative (I'm looking at you Oliver Stone), but when you put Nadelman's depiction in context with the rest of the video it doesn't have that effect. In fact the video as a whole is quite profound.

(Nadelman even provides a cheat sheet of what food represents who. It can be found here.)

SNL Brings The Funny

2008-03-18T15:22:00.003-04:00

It's a presidential election year which means SNL is at it's best (it has a long proud history of political satire). Hilarity ensued this past weekend when former cast member and Haters to the Left favorite Tracy Morgan made a guest appearance at the Weekend Update desk to comment on Geraldine Ferraro's quote about Barack Obama - "If Obama was a white man, he would not be in this position"

I've watched this clip a bunch and the "I used to smoke Newports and drink Olde English" line gets me every time.

The other highlight of the night was the SNL Digital Short featuring guest host and another Haters to the Left favorite Jonah Hill. In the short it is revealed that there is a new special someone in Jonah's life.

Happy NOT St. Patty's Day!

2008-03-17T15:16:00.003-04:00

I would wish you all a happy St. Patty's day, but it would be belated...yeah, see those pesky Bishops over in the Vatican moved St. Patrick's day this year for "religious" reasons. Turns out St. Patty's day was actually on the 15th this year, a Saturday, the perfect day for drinking way too much green beer and puking like Regan MacNeil in the Exorcist...and we all missed it.

From Ireland.com:

Worldwide celebrations for St Patrick's Day could face disruption after the Catholic Church decided to move the Irish patron saint's feast day.
Bishops were left with sore heads after they discovered the traditional March 17th festivities will clash next year with the second day of Holy Week.
Under the Church's rules, the General Norms for the Liturgical Year and Calendar, the saint's feast day does not rank as high as the Monday before Easter and has to be moved.
After much deliberation, Rome gave Irish authorities the green light to shift the official religious celebrations two days back to March 15th, which falls on a Saturday.
Fr Peter Jones, of the Liturgy Commission, insisted the move was necessary under the laws that govern the Church diary.
"It's about the religious aspect of the feast and mass on the day. It's not about whether it's a public holiday or not, it's not about whether sports events and parades take place," he said.
"It's about the Holy Day which can't be observed on the Monday of Holy Week and therefore has to be transferred in accordance with the usual rules."
In strict accordance with the rules, next year's St Patrick's Day should have been moved to the next available day in the Church's calendar, which is April 1st.
But senior Irish clerics were anxious to keep the date as close as possible to the international civic celebrations, which are often planned many years in advance.
The Vatican approved the irregular step of moving the day backwards next year to January 20th, but details have only just emerged.
The last time St Patrick's Day had to be moved was in 1940 when it was changed to April 3 ^rdbecause it coincided with Palm Sunday, the first day of Holy Week.

So, in honor of "Second Day of Holy Week"...

What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?

You only need one nail to hold up a painting!

Thank you, thank you! I'll be here all week (unless of course I get struck by lightning)...don't forget to tip your waitress and try the veal! Goodnight!

Trailer Watch: An Avalanche of Trailers

2008-03-13T13:28:00.004-04:00

This has been a pretty big week for trailers. So instead of the normal one (or two) trailers in the Trailer Watch I'm gonna give you a whole slew (with just a brief description for each).

First and foremost, we finally have a trailer for the new and (hopefully) improved Incredible Hulk movie starring Ed Norton. The talk around the interweb is that Norton and Marvel were at loggerheads over the final cut of the film. Marvel prefers a more family friendly action movie (a la Spider Man) whereas Norton wants to do for Hulk what Bale & Nolan did for Batman; reinvent the character in a darker film that tells the origin story of the character. This of course means the film becomes a character study that relies less on cheesy CG and more on the acting chops of the cast; and a pretty good cast at that - Ed Norton, William Hurt, and Tim Roth (enough talent there to even cover for the suckfest that is Liv Tyler). From the looks of the trailer Norton may have gotten his way.

Next up, Righteous Kill. The only really significant thing about this movie is it stars Robert De Niro and Al Pacino, together for the first time since their pseudo scene together in Heat. There has always been talk that these two never did anything together because they hate each other. Well it appears they don't hate each other as much as they love fat paychecks. Whatever. The movie looks like a piece of crap and neither of these two have done anything worth talking about in close to a decade. I'm sure it will make a billion dollars. On the bright side Curtis Jackson is in the movie so we are guaranteed that someone is gonna get rich or die tryin.

The first full length trailer for Pixar's Wall-E was finally released. I had seen various teasers for this Andrew Stanton film and had no fucking clue what this movie was all about. Now that I have seen the full trailer, I still have no fucking clue. But what I do know is that the animation looks astoundingly gorgeous. Pixar may as well clear off space on their mantle now for the Best Animated Feature Oscar.

Last and probably least I have three words for you - Lost Boys Sequel.

Worst. Cover. Ever.

2008-03-12T16:22:00.002-04:00

People always ask me "Jonah, why do you hate American Idol?"
As if it isn't obvious I usually answer them with something along the lines of :
"Because American Idol is actually bad for America and I'm a patriot" or "Because I don't enjoy brain damage"

But just in case you need further proof, this fucking travesty apparently happened last night.

Cripes! After hearing that my ears needed to have an abortion.

If you listen closely you can actually hear John Lennon and George Harrison turning over in their graves.

"Who Do You Think You Are?"

2008-03-12T13:39:00.003-04:00

NBC has plans for a reality show called "Who Do You Think You Are?". The show investigate various celebrities genealogies and learn about "interesting" things that have happened their families past. The exploitative goal being that some lurid secret from a famous person's family history gets discovered and exposed on network TV as their family tree is laid out in front of a national audience.

Wow, an interesting sounding reality TV show, that is on a network, and is not just another derivative of the contest based shows (American Idol), drunken idiot shows (Real World) or the shows that exploit white trash (Wife Swap)...Who woulda thunk it?...Well actually the British. Like many of today's popular reality TV programming (Idol, Wife Swap, Celebrity Fit Club, Dancing with the Stars, etc.) "Who Do You Think You Are" is a remake of a BBC show.

The plan is the have ex-Friends star and douche-chill inducer Lisa Kudrow host. All this means is that I will not watch the show unless I am promised that an outraged celeb will split Kudrow's head open with a machete like a coconut.

That's not true, I will watch because I am really looking forward to the episode where Britney Spears' family tree is revealed and it only has one branch. (wocka wocka wocka).

Seven Redux

2008-03-11T12:35:00.003-04:00

You guys ready for some Blasphemy?!?! I thought so!

The Catholic Church announced seven brand spankin new deadly sins; sins that they claim are updated for the growing globalised world we live in.

Among the newly anointed sins announced by the Catholic Church (one of the wealthiest organizations in the history of mankind), from the Vatican (one of the most decadent locations in the world, the definition of excess) was a ban on financial gluttony. Luckily irony is still OK.

The Church has also put litter bug's mortal souls in peril by making pollution a sin along with releasing it's new slogan:

Give A Hoot, Don't Pollute...OR YOU WILL BURN IN HELL!!!!

It's funny because I never really got the feeling that The Pope Mobile was built onto a Prius. In fact I'm pretty sure the Pope has deemed anything less than a Mercedes S-Class (MSRP $87,000) as unholy.

No word yet if The House oversight committee plans on calling The Pope before congress to find out why HGH was not listed among The Church's new deadly sin list and to insist on the Church instating a stronger performance enhancing drug testing policy for all clergymen. One senator called the Church's current policy "toothless".

Do You Believe In Miracles? Yes!

2008-03-06T12:30:00.003-05:00

Friday Night Lights, the best show on television that nobody is watching, got a last second reprieve from NBC. It had been reported that the head honchos over at the Peacock were looking to partner up with somebody on the show to help defer costs in order to renew the critically acclaimed yet low rated show. It appears that partner has shown up in the form of DirecTV and it's new owner Liberty Media.

Even though FNL is considered by many critics to be one of the best shows on television it has not been able to shake the stigma of low ratings (averaged 6.2 Million views for season 2, 101st). To be fair though, the show does do fairly well with the all important 18-34 demo (the section of the audience with the greatest buying power = more advertisers), often winning the time slot. Also, NBC decided to bury it on Friday nights...what did they expect?

The deal with DirecTV will give FNL greater exposure over various exhibition windows and platforms, hopefully increasing its overall presence.

This is great news, especially at a time when some shows are still in jeopardy after the writers strike, more and more reality TV crap is being pushed on us every day, and the best show on TV, The Wire, is set to air its series finale this Sunday.

Clear Eyes, Full Hearts Can't Lose!

Nobody Puts Patrick's Pancreas In A Corner!

2008-03-05T17:37:00.004-05:00

Rumors shot around the interwebs this morning, based on a report from The National Enquirer, that Patrick Swayze had pancreatic cancer and had five weeks to live. Considering the source, I didn't want to write anything about this until it was confirmed by a more reputable source (in a manner of speaking). Unfortunately it was...

Swayze's rep released the following statement to TMZ (by the way, how sad is it that TMZ is now considered the reputable news source?):

"Patrick Swayze has been diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer and is currently undergoing treatment. Patrick's physician Dr. George Fisher states, 'Patrick has a very limited amount of disease and he appears to be responding well to treatment thus far. All of the reports stating the timeframe of his prognosis and his physical side effects are absolutely untrue. We are considerably more optimistic.' Patrick is continuing his normal schedule during this time, which includes working on upcoming projects. The outpouring of support and concern he has already received from the public is deeply appreciated by Patrick and his family."

Well at least they deny that the world only gets five more weeks of The Swayz. Either way it's a real bummer. Let's hope he can pull through.

It has not been a good month so far for the stars of Road House, one of my all-time favorite movies. Yesterday it was announced that Jeff Healey, the Double Deuce's guitar player, passed away after a battle with cancer. Healey had lost his eyesight as a child due to cancer.

We know nothing in the world can kill Sam Elliot...Kelly Lynch you better watch your back!

Trailer Watch: "The Most Anticipated Movie Of The Year"

2008-03-05T16:18:00.002-05:00

Trailer Watch is early this week because this one couldn't wait, it is the "most anticipated movie of the year" after all. Here it is, the one you have been waiting for, the first trailer for the Anna Nicole Smith movie starring Willa Ford!

Apparently "most anticipated" now means "biggest smelliest steamiest piece of shit". When did this happen? I didn't get the memo.

The best way I can think to describe this movie is: if Showgirls and Gigli fucked, Anna Nicole would be the retarded inbred movie offspring.

They may as well start engraving the Razzie now because Anna Nicole is a shoo-in. Can you bet on this in Vegas? Hell, this movie even makes I Know Who Killed Me (winner of the 2007 Razzie for Worst Picture) look like a Hitchcock film.

They probably would have been better off digging up her body, tying strings to her limbs, and prancing her around the set like a marionette. At least that way we could have laughed every time a body part flew off and hit one of her (obviously desperate for work) co-stars.

The Bank Job Poster Steals the Show

2008-03-03T10:31:00.004-05:00

The Bank Job starring Jason Statham is another in a long line of heist gone wrong movies (it even uses heist gone wrong in it's tagline). While it is doubtful that The Bank Job will distinguish itself from other heist movies in recent history it does stand out in one respect, its poster.

The poster is a simple, gritty, beautiful throwback to the 70's. We see Statham clad in a leather jacket doing his best James Dean, behind the wheel of a car (he is a car dealer in the movie) looking out the driver side window with a reflection of another classic car visible in his window. But it's not so much the content of the image that is important, but how it is presented. With the use of washed out neutral colors, the poster's artist makes you subconsciously think "old", not old like Peter O'Toole, but in a nostalgic kind of way. To cement this effect, the artist used a "film grain" filter to give it that gritty old school feel.

As I stated above, I seriously doubt The Bank Job will do anything to revolutionize the heist movie genre. It will probably fall somewhere in the middle of the pack and will probably just remind you of Statham's strong turns in previous heist movies like Snatch and The Italian Job. Of course I wouldn't be surprised if The Bank Job manages "to steal the #1 spot in the box office" this coming weekend (you see what I did there, I stole the inevitable corny ass headlines from next Monday's entertainment columns).

If seeing the trailer for The Bank Job has gotten you in the mood for a great heist movie allow me to make a few suggestions:

Reservoir Dogs - The quintessential heist gone wrong movie. Tarantino at his best.

Ocean's Eleven (2001) - The best of the three "new" Ocean's movies, and better than the original, Ocean's Eleven is just flat out fun. It's slick, cool, funny, and the plot has so many great twists it will keep you guessing. George Clooney & Brad Pitt head up a star studded cast.

Dog Day Afternoon - Al Pacino and John Cazale play criminal masterminds who plan to use the proceeds from a heist for a sex change operation. The heist goes wrong and the pair as besieged by the cops and the media. The movie is based on a true story because you can't make that kind of shit up.

Bonnie and Clyde - A pair of young criminals, played by Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway, go on a murderous bank robbing spree across the south. The film, which was released at a time when America's youth was becoming increasingly disenchanted with the government & the Vietnam War, immediately connected with the growing counterculture eager to rebel against the government. Bonnie and Clyde was criticized at the time for its violence and romanticizing of the criminal duo and was met with resistance from the censors. The ending of the movie however dispelled any notion of romancing the criminal lifestyle (I won't give away the ending, but trust me it's a classic). Bonnie and Clyde paved the way for films like Thelma and Louise, True Romance, and Natural Born Killers.

Heat - The mack daddy of all heist movies. Michael Mann's epic story of an armed robber (DeNiro) and the cop chasing him (Pacino). Underneath the action packed heist movie is a commentary on man's insecurity (DeNiro's speech about being able to walk away from anything in 30 seconds says it all) and obsession. The film's climatic heist gone wrong is a bullet filled action packed scene that can't be missed. Great supporting performances are turned in from Val Kilmer, Tom Seizmore, John Voight, and a 14 year old Natalie Portman. An all time great!

Scarred

2008-02-29T14:42:00.002-05:00

Rashida Jones, who played Karen on The Office and is the daughter of famed music producer Quincy Jones, was on Conan O'Brien this week and revealed that she spent a lot of time at Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch as a kid. Jones even told a story of a run-in she had with Jackson's sidekick chimp Bubbles:

"I have a scar. I was standing next to his cage and he grabbed something out of my hand. I opened the cage and the monkey started throwing things at me. I tried to punish him by lightly hitting him on the head, and he grabbed my hand and bit down on it like a sandwich."

Shit lady, you should feel blessed that the only scar you have from your time at Neverland is superficial. I'm willing to bet if your name was Richie Jones your scars would have been the deep seeded emotional kind that result in years of therapy.

Let's not kid ourselves here, when she says he was throwing "things" she really means "poo". Now that's a story I wish I could tell my grandkids.

Trailer Watch: The Fall

2008-02-29T11:25:00.002-05:00

This has been a weird week, so why not a weird trailer. The trailer for The Fall is one of those videos you can watch multiple times and still have no clue what the hell is going on. I know this is true because I did and I don't. It certainly look pretty that's for sure. According to IMDb, The Fall is the story of a little girl who meets a bedridden man who begins to tell her a fantastical story that reflects his state of mind. As time goes by fiction and reality become intertwined into an uplifting epic fantasy.

The Fall is directed by Tarsem, the guy who directed 2000's The Cell with Jennifer Lopez. If you don't remember The Cell, it can best be described as a cinematic version of an M.C. Escher painting on LSD with uber-creepy Vincent D'Onofrio at his super creepiest. From the looks of it, The Fall will in The Cell's footsteps with over the top fantasy imagery and a crazy (and probably not so important) storyline.

What really caught my attention was that The Fall is apparently produced by David Fincher (director of Fight Club) and Spike Jonze (Where the Wild Things Are and my all-time favorite music video director). Neither of their IMDb pages make any reference to The Fall, but if they are indeed involved it is a very good sign for the movie.

The Fall will have a limited release next month. Will keep you posted on any news of a full release when announced.

Lindsay Lohan Nude in New York Magazine

2008-02-28T16:49:00.004-05:00

So here's something I missed while I was away. Snorty McCokefuck decided to shit all over the memory of Marilyn Monroe buy posing nude as Monroe in her famous "The Last Sitting" photo spread.

There was a time, circa Mean Girls, where if someone said to me "Hey, Lindsay Lohan is gonna be naked." My reaction would probably be along the lines of "Awesome!". Well that was many Eight Balls ago and my reaction was more along the lines of "Jeez, I want to burn my eyes and bury them!"

I am actually surprised Snorty doesn't have one of those huge disco coke nostrils at this point.

Word is now Hugh Hefner wants Snorty to get naked again, this time in Playboy. Knowing her fantastic decision making skills she will pass on the big money to pose nude for Playboy and end up in Cheri instead.

You know Lohan is gonna turn up dead, probably of an apparent OD, and the idiotic media is gonna refer back to this photo shoot and call it eerily prophetic.

Ooops

2008-02-27T10:11:00.002-05:00

I made an egregious error in my post Oscar recap while discussing the "In Memoriam" montage. I added an N to the late Roy Scheider's name making him Roy Schneider. As we all know Roy Schneider was the 25th Governor of the US Virgin Islands. His Wikipedia page makes no mention of him ever blowing up a killer shark.

My humble apologies to Governor Schneider (who is most certainly not dead), the late great Roy Scheider, and to Jaws fans around the world (some of whom I suspect live in the US Virgin Islands).

Quick Oscar Recap

2008-02-25T17:59:00.004-05:00

I went 8 for 11 on my Oscar predictions, a vast improvement over that Golden Globes debacle. Even more, NO ONE saw Tilda Swinton winning for Best Supporting Actress, so I think I really should not count that one and have a nice even 8 for 10. I'll take 80% any day.

The show on the whole was pretty dull. No major moments that will go down in Oscar history and no major upsets that could cause controversy (I'm looking at you Crash in 2006).

For me the best part of the evening was the audiences reaction to Once. Every time the film was even mentioned there was hooting and hollering from the crowd, everyone seemed to love this movie. It probably is because it is the "little movie that could". With a budget of $100,000 and a 17 day shooting schedule, this film overcame tremendous odds to even be mentioned on the Oscar stage let alone win an award, making it a true underdog and everyone loves an underdog (we have 5 Rocky movies...yes 5!...that prove me right). Plus, this movie is a ray of hopeful sunshine breaking through the rest of this years brooding, gloomy, and deranged Oscar fare. It truly is a beautiful heartfelt movie that you just can't help but like. It really deserves whatever attention it can get.

There is some controversy swelling due to the omission of Brad Renfro from the "In Memoriam" montage this year. Renfro passed away a week before Heath Ledger who was the anchor of the video. The Academy claimed today that it was an "editing decision". I guess that means they were trying to conserve time? It seems more like a "we don't want that fucking junkie dirtying up our broadcast decision", which is fine with me. But what isn't fine is leaving out Roy Schneider. There is no excuse. None!

Was Jon Travolta sporting spray on hair? Certainly looked that way to me.

Is it just me or is Travolta super gay? He has got to be the gayest man in America right? He makes Richard Simmons look like Derek Jeter.

One last thing to note, none of the acting awards went to an American actor or actress.

Oscar Predictions

2008-02-24T19:40:00.002-05:00

Hey All!
I'm back from vacation, burnt to a crisp, just in time to incorrectly predict tonight's Oscar Winners. I am only going to do the major categories (yes I do consider Documentary a major but I didn't see any of the films so I will leave it alone, same goes for Foreign Film).

Best Original Screenplay - Diablo Cody - Juno
Best Adapted Screenplay - Christopher Hampton - Atonement
Best Song - "Falling Slowly" - Once - Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova
Animated Feature - Ratatouille
Cinematography - Robert Elswit - There Will Be Blood
Best Supporting Actress - Cate Blanchett - I'm Not There (although the girl from Atonement has been getting some buzz)
Best Supporting Actor - Javier Barden - No Country For Old Men
Best Actress - Marion Cotillard - La Vie En Rose (They won't give it to Page for a comedy)
Best Actor - Daniel Day Lewis - There Will Be Blood
Best Director- Julian Schnabel - The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
Best Picture - No Country for Old Men (This may seem like I am just picking the one I like best to win, and you are probably right, but I truly feel it is the best film of the year).

I have no prediction for Best Editing, but I would like to see Roderick Jaynes win for No Country, because Jaynes is really a made up person by the Coen Brothers and I would like to see how they handle that.

Ooops, 8pm, time for the show!

On Vacation

2008-02-14T16:42:00.003-05:00

Haters to the Left is on Vacation...See you in a week!

Trailer Watch: Indiana Jones

2008-02-14T09:58:00.003-05:00

Being that it is Valentines Day I planned on using some upcoming Rom-Com for today's trailer watch...but then this fell into my lap and it was too good to pass up. The first full length trailer for the new Indiana Jones flick...Indiana Jones And The Temple Of The Crystal Skull.

Any reservations I may have had about this movie are now gone! Indiana Jones 4 has just moved into a dead heat with The Dark Knight on my list of most anticipated movies this year...hell most anticipated movies in a long long time (probably since the Batman Begins).

2008 is going to have one hell of a summer season for movies. It all kicks off on April 25th with Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo, which looks hysterical. Here are some of the highlight release dates this summer:

April 30: Forgetting Sarah Marshall
May 2: Iron Man
May 9: Speed Racer
May 16: Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
May 22: Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull
June 13: Incredible Hulk (Ed Norton as the Hulk!!!!)
June 20: Get Smart
June 27: Wall-E (always interesting to see what Pixar brings us)
July 2: Hancock
July 11: Hellboy 2
July 18: The Dark Knight
August 8: Pineapple Express

And that's just the highlights, there are plenty other movies coming out this summer like X-Files 2, the new Mummy movie (Jet Li!) , Wanted, and of course Kung Fu Panda.

Ahhh what the hell...here's a clip in honor of Valentines Day from probably the greatest Romantic Comedy of all time.

Strike Struck

2008-02-13T09:31:00.002-05:00

In what may turn out to be the best result of a vote this year, the members of WGA East & West voted to end the fourteen week long strike that basically halted production on almost all TV and Film projects and cost the industry (both studios and those who were not able to work) over $1 Billion.

Although writers can return to work as of this morning, the WGA is not completely out of the woods just yet. The proposed deal that is in place still needs to be ratified before it is official. There is also talk of impending legal action against the WGA by The Hollywood Foreign Press Association and NBC for it's role in the recent Golden Globes debacle. I would imagine a lawsuit like this could open the legal floodgates a bit and that would keep the WGA legal team busy for the foreseeable future.

Now that the writers are back to work we should be seeing some new episodes of our favorite shows like 30 Rock and The Office in a little over a month from now. Other serial, shows like Chuck, Heroes, and 24 will not start up again until the fall when they can be re-launched with a full seasons worth of episodes (instead of just one or two episodes in the near future, which would just be a tease).

TV Guide has a pretty comprehensive list of shows and their current status here.

A big question that remains is; what happens to the shows that were on the fence before their strike shortened seasons ended? The big one for me in this category is Friday Night Lights. As I have said here before, apart from The Wire, FNL is the best show on television. NBC in its infinite wisdom buried the show on Friday nights and then complain that it is not getting good enough ratings. Of course it isn't! Who in FNL's target demo is home watching TV every week on a Friday night? They are all out on Friday nights. I am willing to be though that they are watching on Tivo later. Also, a lot of people were late to the game on this show and are catching up on DVD before watching the new episodes they recorded. It really would be a travesty to cancel a show this good. FNL is a rare breed, like The Wire, it has an ensemble cast with no weak links. But unlike The Wire, the cast is made up primarily of young actors who can really hold their own. If given the chance, like say put in a reasonable time slot during the week, FNL could really find its audience.

Unfortunately it appears that is not going to happen and that FNL is going to join the ranks of critically acclaimed shows like Firefly, Freaks & Geeks, and Arrested Development that were canceled way too soon.

If last week's episode is indeed the last to air I would like to make a suggestion (or at the very least a request). Finish out production of the season and throw them onto a DVD. It's possible that these un-aired DVD only episodes could spur DVD sales to the point that NBC Universal takes notice. Hey, it worked for Family Guy.

If you haven't already, please head over the Best Week Ever and sign their petition to save FNL.

Hopefully I will get a chance to go through all the details of the proposed WGA deal this week and give you a breakdown, if not it will have to wait till I get back from vacation (Bring on the sun!).

Vote Is Today

2008-02-12T12:18:00.000-05:00

WGA East and West memberships vote today on whether or not to end the strike during the ratification of the proposed deal.
Showrunners went back to work yesterday.
More details as they come....

Also, please head on over to Best Week Ever and sign the petition to save one of the best shows on TV...Friday Night Lights.

End In Sight!

2008-02-11T09:29:00.000-05:00

There is a light at the end of the WGA Strike Tunnel. At a new conference held yesterday WGA leaders announced that a tentative deal is in place and that WGA members not have 48 hours to call off the strike and 10 days to accept the deal. Showrunners can get back to work immediately.

Union leaders un-surprisingly hailed the new deal as a "a victory for us." They also credited News Corp. second in command Peter Chernin, Disney CEO Bob Iger, and CBS head honcho Les Moonves as being instrumental in the deal getting done.

Don't have all the details yet, but I do know that writers will get 2% of distributors gross on all new media.

Keep in mind, even if the deal is signed off on by all sides, it does not mean your favorite shows will immediately come back. They still need to be written and/or shot.

More details as I get them...

Vanity Fair Hollywood Issue 2008

2008-02-08T16:31:00.000-05:00

Every year Vanity Fair puts our their Hollywood Issue themed photoshoot's featuring past and present Oscar nominees. Last years issue featured a film noir themed spread shot by Annie Liebowitz. This year Vanity Fair presents a Hitchcock themed shoot with familiar faces in famous scenes from Hitchcock's most infamous films. My personal favorite is South by Southwest with Seth Rogen.

(Click to Enlarge)

(North By Northwest - Seth Rogen by Art Strieber)

(Strangers on a Train - Emile Hirsch & James McAvoy by Art Streiber)

(The Birds - Jodie Foster by Norman Jean Roy)

(To Catch A Thief - Gwyneth Paltrow & Robert Downey Jr. by Norman Jean Roy)

(Vertigo - Renee Zellweger by Norman Jean Roy)

(Lifeboat - Tang Wei, Josh Brolin, Casey Affleck, Eva Marie Saint, Ben Foster, Omar Metwally, Julie Christie by Mark Seliger)

(Marnie - Naomi Watts by Julian Broad)

(Psycho - Marion Cotillard by Mark Seliger)

(Rear Window - Scarlett Johansson & Javier Bardem by Norman Jean Roy)

(Rebecca - Keira Knightley & Jennifer Jason Leigh by Julian Broad)

(Dial M for Murder - Charlize Theron by Norman Jean Roy)

Jesse Metcalfe Gets His Shit Rocked!

2008-02-08T11:40:00.000-05:00

I have to admit, I am a big fan of celebrities getting punched in the face. It really needs to happen more often. In this video TV's Jesse Metcalf gets absolutely cold cocked by some guy who is for some reason wearing MMA style gloves, almost like he was anticipating a fight (always be prepared!). Dude hits Metcalf so hard he is gonna need a shoehorn to put a hat on.

In case you don't have sound on your computer the video goes a little something like this...

Jesse Metcalf: Hi, I'm Jesse Metcalf. You may know me from my TV show Desperate Housewives or my one movie John Tucker Must Die. Look at me, I'm so hot.

UFC Wannabe: Fire Bad!

Jesse Metcalf: What the fuck?!? What the fuck?!? What the fuck?!? What the fuck?!? What the fuck?!? What the fuck?!? What the fuck?!? What the fuck?!? What the fuck?!? What the fuck?!? What the fuck?!? What the fuck?!? What the fuck?!? What the fuck?!? What the fuck?!?What the fuck?!? What the fuck?!? What the fuck?!?

I gotta give Metcalf credit, dude took a pretty good punch and got back up. I was expecting him to have little birdies flying around his head and Chris Tucker to pop up and shout "You just got knocked the fuck out!"

Trailer Watch: The Grand

2008-02-07T17:09:00.000-05:00

The Grand is a comedy about poker with an all-star cast including Woody Harrelson, David Cross, Dennis Farina, Cheryl Hines, Shannon Elizabeth, Chris Parnell, Michael McKean, and Werner Herzog as a bat-shit crazy German (appropriate!).

The concept for The Grand is actually quite genius; It is an "improvisational comedy" that uses actors playing whacked out fictional characters competing in a real deal poker tournament.

Check out The Grand

The Grand is written and directed by Zach Penn; a huge comic geek that wrote among other things the last two X-Men movies, Elektra, the new Incredible Hulk movie, the upcoming Spy Hunter movie, and more importantly PCU.

The Grand opens in select cities end of March 2008.

Kevin Smith Casting Chart

2008-02-06T12:20:00.001-05:00

This is pretty cool for any Kevin Smith fan (let's pretend Jersey Girl never happened). It is a casting chart of all the Kevin Smith regulars in all his films.

At first glance I assumed that solid line of X's down the middle had to be Jason Mewes but it turned out to be the line for Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, a movie light on story and heavy on cameos.

The list even includes Smith's daughter, Harley Quinn Smith, who he named after the Joker's female accomplice in the Batman comics.

(click to enlarge)

Just for shits and giggles, here is Smith at the 2007 Comic-Con taking some poor comic nerd to task for trying to be funny and snarky during a Q&A. Little hint dude...when you try and impress your little buddies by attempting to publicly zing a celebrity, don't make it Kevin Smith, he is funnier, wittier, and faster than you will ever be.

Super Men!

2008-02-04T14:53:00.000-05:00

Unless you have been buried under a rock the past 24 hours you already know that the New York Giants beat the nearly perfect New England Patriots 17-14 in Super Bowl XLII. The Giants victory is being called one of the greatest upset victories in Pro-Sports history and included a huge clutch pass and catch from Eli Manning to David Tyree that will go down as the greatest play in Super Bowl history.

Needless to say I am elated (now that the initial shock has worn off) and plan on attending the victory parade in the Canyon of Heroes tomorrow!

Although all the ratings haven't been announced yet, all signs point to Super Bowl XLII being the most watched Super Bowl ever and could possibly become the #2 most watched telecast in history, behind the series finale of M*A*S*H.

Ever since "Nipplegate" during the Super Bowl XXXVII halftime show, when Justin Timberlake removed a piece of Janet Jackson's outfit revealing her pierced nipple, the NFL has been trying to keep the halftime show as safe, family friendly, and vanilla (save for Prince's performance, but we'll get to that in a minute) as possible. This year's show saw Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers take the stage and crank out songs from an album close to 20 years old. A band named The Heartbreakers performing a song titled "Free Fallin" actually turned out to be pretty damn appropriate for a Super Bowl ending that saw a team lose it's chance at perfection in the last minute of the game to a team nobody gave a chance in hell to win.

Unfortunately for the NFL, no matter how hard they try to keep the halftime show family friendly and controversy clear, they just can't seem to get out of their own way. This year was no different. At the beginning of the the Halftime Show the stadium lights went dark and a pink heart was illuminated. From off to the right of the screen an illuminated white ax guitar moved towards and eventually pierced the heart, setting off show. Innocent enough right? Wrong! The guitar was quite phallic and it penetrated that heart, if you know what I mean. Intentional or not the symbolism was unmistakable.

Previous Halftime Show Controversies:

Super Bowl XLI - A Royal Phallacy
Prince's performance at Super Bowl XLI has been called the greatest Super Bowl Halftime show ever, but it was not without controversy. At one point during the performance using back lighting, a giant silhouette of Prince and his guitar was cast onto a large screen giving off the illusion that Prince had an enormous exposed cock. Hasn't the guitar always been considered an extension of a rock stars penis anyway?

Super Bowl XL - Dirty Old Men

The Rolling Stones had to be muted by ABC several times for using foul language during their performance. They also had to deal with Kieth trying to run off the stage and snort the giant white lines on the field.

Super Bowl XXXVI - A Big Penis on Stage

When U2 performed in 2001 there wasn't literally a penis on the stage, but there certainly was a dickhead!

Super Bowl XXXVIII - Nipplegate

The biggest of them all, it was the event that introduced the term "Wardrobe Malfunction"into the national lexicon. Janet Jackson's exposed pierced nipple changed the way broadcast television worked forever.

Celebrity Rehab (Not Starring Dr. Drew)

2008-02-01T14:55:00.000-05:00

The crazy bug has hit celebrities hard recently, there has been a slew of celebrities checking into rehab or being committed. Here's a rundown of who's checking in and suspected cause:

Britney Spears - Committed involuntarily by new therapist after not sleeping for 3 days straight; UCLA Medical Center deemed her "gravely disabled", which basically means she is too fucked up to take care of basic needs like eating, sleeping, dressing herself, or wiping properly. duh.
Cause - Meth, Meth, Meth, possible Bi-Polar Disorder, Meth, Coke, Meth, a mean Cheetos addiction, Meth, Slim-Jims, Meth, Sam Lufti, oh and Meth.

Amy Winehouse - Label forced her to enter drug rehab after a video surfaced of her smoking crack before going to court.
Cause - Trying to inhale, ingest, and inject everything on Earth. She once tried snorting a baby...a real live baby. Winehouse's drug abuse makes Kieth Richards look like an altar boy.

Justin Chambers (Dr. Alex Karev on Grey's Anatomy) - Checked into UCLA Medical for exhaustion caused by a pre-existing sleep disorder.
Cause - Lack of sleep due to growing concerns that everyone is confusing him with T.R. Knight as "the gay one".

Eva Mendes - Entered the world famous Cirque Lodge, the same treatment center famous for treating Blow-han, for substance abuse problems.
Cause - Ghost Rider.

Sean Young - Was ejected at from the DGA Awards for being drunk and extremely belligerent. According to Page Six: Young “began screaming in French” when [”La Vie en Rose” star Marion] Cotillard took the stage to present an award [and] could be heard “breaking into song.” But it was when [Julian Schnabel, director of “The Diving Bell and the Butterfly”] took the stage to make a brief speech “that she really went kook, yelling at him to ‘get on with it’ and to ‘move it on’… Julian yelled back at her to ‘have another drink, honey’ and started to leave the stage before the crowd yelled at him to stay. He continued to talk and Sean stood up and made a big production of putting on her white fur coat, walking around in a circle and then taking her seat again.” Finally, when a team of security guards swooped in to remove Young, “she tried to throw a punch at [them].” Hey what do you expect from the woman who tried getting the role of Catwoman in Batman Returns by continuously showing up on set dressed in a Catwoman costume even though Michelle Pfeifer already had the role?
Cause - Hell I didn't even know she was still alive...I got nothing.

Kirsten Dunst - IMPENDING - Rumor is she is on the "verge of a breakdown", according to reports Dunst was a complete nutball at Sundance and friends had to apologize for her saying "Kirsten is not in a good place right now." She recently split from rocker boyfriend Johnny Borell and has not been seen much in recent months.
Cause - Lost "her precious".
Update (2/7/08) - Dunst checked into the Cirque Lounge for rehab.

Lindsay Lohan - ALWAYS IMPENDING
Cause - Drinks like Kieth Moon and snorts cocaine like Tony Montana.

Trailer Watch: Son of Rambow

2008-01-31T16:02:00.000-05:00

Son of Rambow is about two kids who set out to remake Rambo: First Blood after seeing a bootleg version of the movie. It is the second feature film from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy director Garth Jennings.

Rambow first premiered at last year's (2007) Sundance where it was a big hit and garnered critical acclaim. It became the big buy of Sundance when Paramount Vantage purchased it for $7 Mil.

I have been very impressed with Paramount Vantage. Since branching off from Paramount Classics in 2006 it has put out an impressive list of titles including Babel, Black Snake Moan, Into the Wild, and two of this years front runners for Best Picture No Country for Old Men and There Will Be Blood. Vantage, which is the "art house" division of Paramount Pictures earned 19 Oscar nominations this year. It created some buzz at this year's Sundance when it purchased the rights to the film American Teen.

Son of Rambow hits theaters May 2008.

Back Tomorrow

2008-01-30T15:50:00.001-05:00

Haters will be back tomorrow...Until then enjoy this video.

G.I. Joe Casting News

2008-01-29T15:39:00.000-05:00

Another role has been cast in Hollywood's latest attempt to recreate my childhood. Dennis Quaid has signed on to play General Hawk, the leader of the G.I. Joe team, in the live action G.I. Joe film.

The rest of the G.I. Joe cast:

Dennis Quaid as General Hawk

Channing Tatum as Duke Hauser

Marlon Wayans as Ripcord

Byung-hun Lee as Storm Shadow

Ray Park as Snake Eyes

Adebisi as Heavy Duty

Rachel Nichols as Scarlette

Sienna Miller as The Baroness

I notice there is no one listed yet for the roles of Cobra Commander or Destro, characters that are essential. There were rumors going around that Joseph Gordon-Levitt (the kid from Third Rock from the Sun) was in talks to be in the movie; he would actually make an interesting Cobra Commander.

OK I'll stop nerding out now. Carry on.

Box Office Recap: WTF!?!?!

2008-01-28T15:43:00.000-05:00

In what has to be one of the worst box office weekends of all time, the #1 slot went to...*drum roll*...Meet the Spartans with a gross of $18.7M.

That's right ladies and gentlemen a movie starring Carmen fucking Electra is #1 in the box office. Meet the Spartans is another in a line of spoof movies done by the dynamic duo of Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, the knuckleheads responsible for such greats as Epic Movie, Date Movie, and the worst parts of the Scary Movie franchise. This time they set their sites on 300 (and movies like it).

Other than Boobs McWhoreface the next most famous people in this cinematic travesty are Kevin Sorbo and Diedrich Bader. Fucking Hercules and the dude from The Drew Carey Show NOT funny enough to be on Whose Line people! How the hell does something like this happen? I realize the choices at the theaters are about as bad as any of the candidates for either party in the Presidential Primaries, but wasn't there a better option than going to see fucking Meet the Spartans like reading a book, or going outdoors, or ritual suicide?

Does this mean the Cloverfield hype is officially done? If it couldn't beat out fucking Meet the Spartans in only its second week of release, it has to be considered a failure in some respect...right?

Classy

2008-01-28T10:45:00.000-05:00

If you head over to TheDarkKnight.com, the official site of the new Batman movie, you will see that Warner Bros. has replaced the existing site with this page.

A classy move.

Quick Hits - They Spent How Much On What Now?!?!? Edition

2008-01-25T14:16:00.000-05:00

Dancin' at Sundance
Going into this year's Sundance Film Festival there was three movies getting a lot of hype; Mysteries of Pittsburgh starring Sienna Miller, Mena Suvari, and Peter Sarsgaard. Mysteries is based on the critically acclaimed novel by Michael Chabon of the same name...Choke, the story of a sex addicted con-man (played by Sam Rockwell), is based on a book by Fight Club author, Chuck Palahniuk...and The Wackness, but that buzz is mostly because Sir Ben Kingsley makes out with one of the Olsen Twins in the film. The spotlight however was stolen when it was announced that Focus Features purchased Hamlet 2 for a whopping $10 Million. According to it's IMDb page, Hamlet 2 is about a high school drama teacher who tries to motivate his students and save the department by writing a sequel to Shakespeare's Hamlet. Did Focus Features lose a bet or something?

Sam Mendes takes on the American Family...Again
In 1999 Sam Mendes directed American Beauty, a drama filled with dark humor that examined the lives of a suburban American family. The film won 5 Oscars including Best Director for Mendes and Best Picture. Now, Mendes is ready to take on the American Family again, this time in a comedy. The un-titled feature, written by Dave Eggers, follows a pregnant couple as they travel across America looking for a place to settle down. Now here is the cool part; The Office's John Krasinki and SNL star Maya Rudolph are rumored to be attached. The film is being co-produced by the same folks who did Little Miss Sunshine, so there seems to be a lot of potential.

Is She a Terror Target or Terror Threat?
A 16 year old kid was arrested in Tennessee after is was discovered the teen was hellbent on hijacking a plane and flying it into a Hanna Montana concert.

The 16-year-old boy was removed from Southwest Airlines Flight 284 Tuesday night by authorities at Nashville International Airport and found with… handcuffs, rope and duct tape in his bag. It has not been determined if the boy was trying to crash the plane… into a “Hannah Montana” concert in Lafayette, Louisiana. The teen is believed to be suicidal.

Bolds said the teen was calm throughout the flight and never made an attempt to hijack the plane but told the FBI after he was apprehended about his original plans to commandeer the aircraft. Authorities searched the teen’s home in California and found a mock cockpit.

“His plan had a low probability of success,” [FBI spokesman] George Bold said.

If his target was Britney Spears I say let him go and give him a medal. Maybe a parade in the Canyon of Heroes.

New James Bond Film Title Announced
The Quantum of Solace...Whaaat?

Rambo hits theaters today!

Trailer Watch: Defiance

2008-01-24T15:19:00.000-05:00

Edward Zwick is on the short list of my favorite directors. He made his directorial debut in 1986 with About Last Night, the dramedy starring Rob Lowe and Demi Moore. His big break came 3 years later when he directed the Civil War epic Glory, one of my all time favorite films. His last two features, Blood Diamond & The Last Samurai, were beautiful, engaging, and intense action dramas. Each received multiple Oscar nominations. Zwick’s newest film is Defiance and it stars Daniel Craig (James Bond), Live Schreiber, and Jamie Bell (Billy Elliot). It is the story of three Jewish brothers who escape Nazi occupied Poland into the forests of Belarus and join up with Russian freedom fighters.

If you are going to see any WWII epic this year (and there are a few to choose from) this is the one to see. It looks incredible.

Defiance is set for release later this year.

Bonus Clip:

The first teaser trailer for J.J. Abrams’ Star Trek was released in theaters this past weekend in front of Cloverfield. Check it out here.

Slow Day

2008-01-23T14:20:00.000-05:00

It's a slow news day as I think most people are probably too shocked/absorbed by the death of Heath Ledger.

A few updates:

Police have denied reports that pills were "strewn" across the room in which Ledger was found. They did however confirm that there were various bottles of prescription and non-prescription sleeping pills including the popular Ambien. Many of the prescription sleep aides warn against use with certain respiratory conditions and there were reports that Ledger had pneumonia which could cause said respiratory conditions.

There are unconfirmed reports that tests on a $20 bill confiscated by the police from the apartment turned up traces of narcotics. The same report claims "drug baggies" were also taken from the apartment.

The autopsy came back inconclusive pending results of the toxicology tests. These test results normally take a few days to come back. Although suicide has not been ruled out it is highly unlikely. Chances are his death will be ruled as "accidental".

Accident? What did he trip and fall onto a pile of pills and accidentally ingested them? Too soon?

There has obviously been a lot of statements made in tribute to Heath as the entertainment community reacts to his death. The nicest sentiment however came from Larry Williams, the father of his ex-fiance Michelle Williams.

“I think Tennyson got it right in the poem when he described someone as having died at a young age but burning the candles at both ends, and oh what a beautiful flame he made, that was Heath, what a beautiful flame he made and a great talent. My heart goes out to everyone in his family and my family. The saddest thing is his daughter whom he just loved
dearly.”

Heath Ledger Dead!

2008-01-22T17:11:00.000-05:00

Heath Ledger is dead. NY Times reports:

The actor Heath Ledger was found dead this afternoon in an apartment building at 421 Broome Street in SoHo, according to the New York City police. Mr. Ledger was 28.

At 3:31 p.m., a masseuse arrived at Apartment 5A in the building for an appointment with Mr. Ledger, the police said. The masseuse was let in to the home by a housekeeper, who then knocked on the door of Mr. Ledger’s bedroom. When no one answered, the housekeeper and the masseuse opened the bedroom and found Mr. Ledger unconscious. They shook him, but he did not respond. They immediately called the authorities.

The police said they did not suspect foul play. Officials said pills were found near the body.

A Knights Tale is one of the my all time favorite "guilty pleasure" movies, I've been a Heath Ledger fan ever since. Sad.

How is that someone like him dies and Britney Spears is allowed to live?

I'll keep you posted as the story progresses.

Maybe Next Time She Will Listen

2008-01-22T11:36:00.000-05:00

I'll give Madge credit, at least it appears she doesn't need to be told twice.

Photo from The Daily Mail

Oscar Nominations Announced

2008-01-22T11:28:00.000-05:00

The Oscar Nominations were announced this morning. Only one major shocker with Keira Knightley getting the shaft in the Best Actress section. I just hope the Academy bought her dinner first. No Country for Old Men and There Will be Blood both led the way with 8 noms apiece. I will of course make my picks before the Feb 24th telecast and of course be wrong with almost all of them. Performance by an actor in a leading role
	George Clooney in “Michael Clayton” (Warner Bros.)
	Daniel Day-Lewis in “There Will Be Blood” (Paramount Vantage and Miramax)
	Johnny Depp in “Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber of Fleet Street” (DreamWorks and Warner Bros., Distributed by DreamWorks/Paramount)
	Tommy Lee Jones in “In the Valley of Elah” (Warner Independent)
	Viggo Mortensen in “Eastern Promises” (Focus Features)

Performance by an actor in a supporting role
	Casey Affleck in “The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford” (Warner Bros.)
	Javier Bardem in “No Country for Old Men” (Miramax and Paramount Vantage)
	Philip Seymour Hoffman in “Charlie Wilson’s War” (Universal)
	Hal Holbrook in “Into the Wild” (Paramount Vantage and River Road Entertainment)
	Tom Wilkinson in “Michael Clayton” (Warner Bros.)

Performance by an actress in a leading role
	Cate Blanchett in “Elizabeth: The Golden Age” (Universal)
	Julie Christie in “Away from Her” (Lionsgate)
	Marion Cotillard in “La Vie en Rose” (Picturehouse)
	Laura Linney in “The Savages” (Fox Searchlight)
	Ellen Page in “Juno” (Fox Searchlight)

Performance by an actress in a supporting role
	Cate Blanchett in “I’m Not There” (The Weinstein Company)
	Ruby Dee in “American Gangster” (Universal)
	Saoirse Ronan in “Atonement” (Focus Features)
	Amy Ryan in “Gone Baby Gone” (Miramax)
	Tilda Swinton in “Michael Clayton” (Warner Bros.)

Best animated feature film of the year
	“Persepolis” (Sony Pictures Classics) Marjane Satrapi and Vincent Paronnaud
	“Ratatouille” (Walt Disney) Brad Bird
	“Surf's Up” (Sony Pictures Releasing) Ash Brannon and Chris Buck

Achievement in art direction
	“American Gangster” (Universal) Art Direction: Arthur Max Set Decoration: Beth A. Rubino
	“Atonement” (Focus Features) Art Direction: Sarah Greenwood Set Decoration: Katie Spencer
	“The Golden Compass” (New Line in association with Ingenious Film Partners) Art Direction: Dennis Gassner Set Decoration: Anna Pinnock
	“Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber of Fleet Street” (DreamWorks and Warner Bros., Distributed by DreamWorks/Paramount) Art Direction: Dante Ferretti Set Decoration: Francesca Lo Schiavo
	“There Will Be Blood” (Paramount Vantage and Miramax) Art Direction: Jack Fisk Set Decoration: Jim Erickson

Achievement in cinematography
	“The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford” (Warner Bros.) Roger Deakins
	“Atonement” (Focus Features) Seamus McGarvey
	“The Diving Bell and the Butterfly” (Miramax/Pathé Renn) Janusz Kaminski
	“No Country for Old Men” (Miramax and Paramount Vantage) Roger Deakins
	“There Will Be Blood” (Paramount Vantage and Miramax) Robert Elswit

Achievement in costume design
	“Across the Universe” (Sony Pictures Releasing) Albert Wolsky
	“Atonement” (Focus Features) Jacqueline Durran
	“Elizabeth: The Golden Age” (Universal) Alexandra Byrne
	“La Vie en Rose” (Picturehouse) Marit Allen
	“Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber of Fleet Street” (DreamWorks and Warner Bros., Distributed by DreamWorks/Paramount) Colleen Atwood

Achievement in directing
	“The Diving Bell and the Butterfly” (Miramax/Pathé Renn) Julian Schnabel
	“Juno” (Fox Searchlight) Jason Reitman
	“Michael Clayton” (Warner Bros.) Tony Gilroy
	“No Country for Old Men” (Miramax and Paramount Vantage) Joel Coen and Ethan Coen
	“There Will Be Blood” (Paramount Vantage and Miramax) Paul Thomas Anderson

Best documentary feature
	“No End in Sight” (Magnolia Pictures) A Representational Pictures Production Charles Ferguson and Audrey Marrs
	“Operation Homecoming: Writing the Wartime Experience” (The Documentary Group) A Documentary Group Production Richard E. Robbins
	“Sicko” (Lionsgate and The Weinstein Company) A Dog Eat Dog Films Production Michael Moore and Meghan O’Hara
	“Taxi to the Dark Side” (THINKFilm) An X-Ray Production Alex Gibney and Eva Orner
	“War/Dance” (THINKFilm) A Shine Global and Fine Films Production Andrea Nix Fine and Sean Fine

Best documentary short subject
	“Freeheld” A Lieutenant Films Production Cynthia Wade and Vanessa Roth
	“La Corona (The Crown)” A Runaway Films and Vega Films Production Amanda Micheli and Isabel Vega
	“Salim Baba” A Ropa Vieja Films and Paradox Smoke Production Tim Sternberg and Francisco Bello
	“Sari’s Mother” (Cinema Guild) A Daylight Factory Production James Longley

Achievement in film editing
	“The Bourne Ultimatum” (Universal) Christopher Rouse
	“The Diving Bell and the Butterfly” (Miramax/Pathé Renn) Juliette Welfling
	“Into the Wild” (Paramount Vantage and River Road Entertainment) Jay Cassidy
	“No Country for Old Men” (Miramax and Paramount Vantage) Roderick Jaynes
	“There Will Be Blood” (Paramount Vantage and Miramax) Dylan Tichenor

Best foreign language film of the year
	“Beaufort” A Metro Communications, Movie Plus Production Israel
	“The Counterfeiters” An Aichholzer Filmproduktion, Magnolia Filmproduktion Production Austria
	“Katyń” An Akson Studio Production Poland
	“Mongol” A Eurasia Film Production Kazakhstan
	“12” A Three T Production Russia

Achievement in makeup
	“La Vie en Rose” (Picturehouse) Didier Lavergne and Jan Archibald
	“Norbit” (DreamWorks, Distributed by Paramount) Rick Baker and Kazuhiro Tsuji
	“Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End” (Walt Disney) Ve Neill and Martin Samuel

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original score)
	“Atonement” (Focus Features) Dario Marianelli
	“The Kite Runner” (DreamWorks, Sidney Kimmel Entertainment and Participant Productions, Distributed by Paramount Classics) Alberto Iglesias
	“Michael Clayton” (Warner Bros.) James Newton Howard
	“Ratatouille” (Walt Disney) Michael Giacchino
	“3:10 to Yuma” (Lionsgate) Marco Beltrami

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original song)
	“Falling Slowly” from “Once” (Fox Searchlight) Music and Lyric by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova
	“Happy Working Song” from “Enchanted” (Walt Disney) Music by Alan Menken Lyric by Stephen Schwartz
	“Raise It Up” from “August Rush” (Warner Bros.) Nominees to be determined
	“So Close” from “Enchanted” (Walt Disney) Music by Alan Menken Lyric by Stephen Schwartz
	“That’s How You Know” from “Enchanted” (Walt Disney) Music by Alan Menken Lyric by Stephen Schwartz

Best motion picture of the year
	“Atonement” (Focus Features) A Working Title Production Tim Bevan, Eric Fellner and Paul Webster, Producers
	“Juno” (Fox Searchlight) A Dancing Elk Pictures, LLC Production Lianne Halfon, Mason Novick and Russell Smith, Producers
	“Michael Clayton” (Warner Bros.) A Clayton Productions, LLC Production Sydney Pollack, Jennifer Fox and Kerry Orent, Producers
	“No Country for Old Men” (Miramax and Paramount Vantage) A Scott Rudin/Mike Zoss Production Scott Rudin, Ethan Coen and Joel Coen, Producers
	“There Will Be Blood” (Paramount Vantage and Miramax) A JoAnne Sellar/Ghoulardi Film Company Production JoAnne Sellar, Paul Thomas Anderson and Daniel Lupi, Producers

Best animated short film
	“I Met the Walrus” A Kids & Explosions Production Josh Raskin
	“Madame Tutli-Putli” (National Film Board of Canada) A National Film Board of Canada Production Chris Lavis and Maciek Szczerbowski
	“Même Les Pigeons Vont au Paradis (Even Pigeons Go to Heaven)” (Premium Films) A BUF Compagnie Production Samuel Tourneux and Simon Vanesse
	“My Love (Moya Lyubov)” (Channel One Russia) A Dago-Film Studio, Channel One Russia and Dentsu Tec Production Alexander Petrov
	“Peter & the Wolf” (BreakThru Films) A BreakThru Films/Se-ma-for Studios Production Suzie Templeton and Hugh Welchman

Best live action short film
	“At Night” A Zentropa Entertainments 10 Production Christian E. Christiansen and Louise Vesth
	“Il Supplente (The Substitute)” (Sky Cinema Italia) A Frame by Frame Italia Production Andrea Jublin
	“Le Mozart des Pickpockets (The Mozart of Pickpockets)” (Premium Films) A Karé Production Philippe Pollet-Villard
	“Tanghi Argentini” (Premium Films) An Another Dimension of an Idea Production Guido Thys and Anja Daelemans
	“The Tonto Woman” A Knucklehead, Little Mo and Rose Hackney Barber Production Daniel Barber and Matthew Brown

Achievement in sound editing
	“The Bourne Ultimatum” (Universal) Karen Baker Landers and Per Hallberg
	“No Country for Old Men” (Miramax and Paramount Vantage) Skip Lievsay
	“Ratatouille” (Walt Disney) Randy Thom and Michael Silvers
	“There Will Be Blood” (Paramount Vantage and Miramax) Matthew Wood
	“Transformers” (DreamWorks and Paramount in association with Hasbro) Ethan Van der Ryn and Mike Hopkins

Achievement in sound mixing
	“The Bourne Ultimatum” (Universal) Scott Millan, David Parker and Kirk Francis
	“No Country for Old Men” (Miramax and Paramount Vantage) Skip Lievsay, Craig Berkey, Greg Orloff and Peter Kurland
	“Ratatouille” (Walt Disney) Randy Thom, Michael Semanick and Doc Kane
	“3:10 to Yuma” (Lionsgate) Paul Massey, David Giammarco and Jim Stuebe
	“Transformers” (DreamWorks and Paramount in association with Hasbro) Kevin O’Connell, Greg P. Russell and Peter J. Devlin

Achievement in visual effects
	“The Golden Compass” (New Line in association with Ingenious Film Partners) Michael Fink, Bill Westenhofer, Ben Morris and Trevor Wood
	“Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End” (Walt Disney) John Knoll, Hal Hickel, Charles Gibson and John Frazier
	“Transformers” (DreamWorks and Paramount in association with Hasbro) Scott Farrar, Scott Benza, Russell Earl and John Frazier

Adapted screenplay
	“Atonement” (Focus Features) Screenplay by Christopher Hampton
	“Away from Her” (Lionsgate) Written by Sarah Polley
	“The Diving Bell and the Butterfly” (Miramax/Pathé Renn) Screenplay by Ronald Harwood
	“No Country for Old Men” (Miramax and Paramount Vantage) Written for the screen by Joel Coen & Ethan Coen
	“There Will Be Blood” (Paramount Vantage and Miramax) Written for the screen by Paul Thomas Anderson

Original screenplay
	“Juno” (Fox Searchlight) Written by Diablo Cody
	“Lars and the Real Girl” (MGM) Written by Nancy Oliver
	“Michael Clayton” (Warner Bros.) Written by Tony Gilroy
	“Ratatouille” (Walt Disney) Screenplay by Brad Bird Story by Jan Pinkava, Jim Capobianco, Brad Bird
	“The Savages” (Fox Searchlight) Written by Tamara Jenkins

This is Just Weird

2008-01-21T13:40:00.000-05:00

Even in 1989 Prince Akeem of Zamunda knew there was no way Laurence Tynes could possibly fuck up 3 times in a row.

Giants are going to the Super Bowl!!!!

Cloverfield Monster "Tears" Up Box Office

2008-01-21T12:28:00.000-05:00

Cloverfield was the big winner at the box office this weekend grossing an estimated $41 Million, a new opening weekend record for the month of January. The previous record was $36 Million held by the special edition re-release of Star Wars.

I saw Cloverfield Friday after work and thoroughly enjoyed experiencing the movie's first person perspective. Other people in the theater with me did not get it. Some people even booed at the end. I think they were expecting multi camera glamor shots of the monster and more back story, but it just isn't that kind of movie. You are meant to experience the attack the same way the characters are as they go through it. As I told one person, the monster itself isn't as important as the effects of the monster attack (even though it was a pretty bad ass creature).

I don't want to say too much about the movie and ruin it for those who haven't seen it yet, but I will say this. The main characters were hipsters and morons. I was rooting for the monster.

Trailer Watch: Baby Mama

2008-01-18T10:07:00.000-05:00

The baby craze in Hollywood continues. Baby Mama is the latest comedy from Austin Powers 2 & 3 scribe Michael McCullers who is making his directorial debut. Baby Mama takes recent pregnancy comedies like Knocked Up (accidental pregnancy) & Juno (accidental teen pregnancy) and puts the shoe on the other foot, with a story of someone actually looking to get pregnant, but can't.

Kate (Tina Fey) is a hard worker who always put her career ahead of her personal life. Now she is 37 and ready to have a baby, but when she finds out she is incapable of getting knocked up she hires immature slacker Angie (Amy Poehler) to be her surrogate. When Angie is preggers she moves in with Kate, hilarity ensues. Think The Odd Couple meets Knocked Up.

I love me some Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. Fey is a real deal triple threat. She is the show runner, head writer, and star of 30 Rock. She has really come into her own recently as a fantastic comedic actress. She has won a Golden Globe and was nominated for an Emmy for her acting on 30 Rock. This is her first lead in a feature.

Baby Mame directed by Michael McCullers and starring Tine Fey, Amy Poehler, Sigourney Weaver, Greg Kinnear, and Maury Tierney hits theaters on April 25th.

Crazy

2008-01-17T12:22:00.000-05:00

It's a crazy talking to a room full of crazies after accepting the Lifetime Achievement Award in Craziness.

There have actually been a few different videos of Tom talking about Scientology posted on and quickly pulled down from the internet recently. In an effort to understand the whole Scientology thing better (it's all a bit mysterious and confusing) I have tried watching as many of the videos as I could before they got yanked. The problem is that in all of the videos Cruise says absolutley nothing of substance for me to able to glean any information about Scientology. Cruise tends to speak in cliches or broad generalities that don't make him sound smart so much as just a pompous ass. It's the kind of rah-rah bullshit that may get the weak minded going, but anyone with half a brain should be able to stop and say to themselves "wait a minute, nothing he just said means ANYTHING AT ALL".

The Oscars Will Happen No Matter What

2008-01-17T09:56:00.000-05:00

The official poster for the 80th Annual Oscars was released yesterday

The Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences (AMPAS) will hold the 80th Annual Academy Awards Ceremony come hell or high water or writers strike.

According to Variety, AMPAS is still planning on holding the traditional awards ceremony on February 24th, but also has plans for an alternative show in the works just in case. Gil Gates, Producer of the Oscar telecast says that when it comes to an alternate show things are being "played by ear." One reported scenario for an alternate show would have the nominees write their own introductions.

The Oscar nominee luncheon will still be held on February 4th. AMPAS President Sid Ganis said he will write his own speech for the event.

There have been questions about this year's Oscars Ceremony ever since the Golden Globes Awards Ceremony was derailed when Dick Clark Productions, the shows producers, was unable to secure a special waiver from the WGA, who vowed to picket any televised gala event. Most of the nominees and A-List talent set to attend the show stated that they would refuse and cross a picket line to attend the event forcing the Hollywood Foreign Press Association to cancel the event and instead held a 1-hour press conference style show to announce the winners.

Jon Stewart is set to host the Oscars on Feb. 24th at 8pm est live on ABC.

Scene from Indy 4

2008-01-15T16:16:00.000-05:00

Indy: Ah crap! It looks like we took a wrong turn and have ended up on the set of "Legends of the Hidden Temple". Hey kid, go ask Olmec if he has direction back to the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

LaBeouf: A womp bop a looma

Indy: Huh?

LaBeouf: a womp bam boom

Indy: Where's my gun?

A Shining Example

2008-01-14T12:00:00.000-05:00

If there was anything to be learned from the Golden Globe Awards Press Conference last night, it was just how dearly important the writers are. Without having any previously written content in front of them the hosts, "Access Hollywood's Billy Bush & Nancy O'Dell, were left to their own devices live in front of a national audience, it was a train wreck. Bush and O'Dell's solution to having no script was witty banter...fail! You can't blame Bush and O'Dell though, they were just doing their jobs. Unfortunately their jobs under normal circumstances only require looking pretty and reading what's on the prompter with proper diction, not improvise and form their own opinions. Their was nothing on the prompters last night other than a queue for the next award. Those guys were working without a net and it was a long way down.

Shows like "The Daily Show" and "Late Night with Conan O'Brien" can exist in this sort of writerless vacuum because they have lots of very smart people working on the show (outside of the writing staff), but even more because they are hosted by extremely intelligent comedic personalities. Stewart, O'Brien, Leno, etc. all started out as stand-up comedians. They created their own material and went out in front of live audiences and lived or died with their stuff. It's the comic mentality that allows these guys to go out without writers and create a show each night. Those guys are a rare breed. Most performers couldn't do that, they need material to work with and will create a character based on the words on the page. Apart from their own upcoming contract negotiations, I think this is the reason why so many SAG actors have taken up the WGA's fight. They understand their relationship with the writers.

The Golden Globes can certainly be considered a major casualty of this strike. Can the Oscars now survive without Bruce Vilanch and Co. or will they be next?

Even though last night showed us just how valuable writers can be, I don't think the WGA membership is giving each other congratulatory back slaps. They know as well as everyone else that there were no real "winners". NBC lost millions (though no one should cry for them), the nominees lost a chance to be recognized for their work, the public lost a chance to see the glitz and glamor they crave, and Hollywood lost a chance to let loose and have fun in a time a building tensions.

I can tell you who else wasn't a winner last night...me. I only managed to get 4.5 of my predictions correct. I realize now I was playing it safe with some of my picks (Washington and Hanks). I also realize that I shouldn't always believe the hype. Going in to last night, Juno was riding a wave of buzz and unexpected box office success. It didn't translate into gold last night.

Just out of curiosity, was there anything more obnoxious than the video of Nikki Blonski screaming her head off like a whacked out banshee when she heard herself get nominated? Sure, the story of her getting the role of Tracy in the newest version of Hairspray was nice, but enough is enough. It's time for her to move on the Lifetime movies and leave well enough alone.

Golden Globes are Tonight - Sort Of

2008-01-13T12:22:00.000-05:00

In honor of the abridged version of the Golden Globes being held tonight here is the official Haters to the Left Abridged Golden Globes Predictions.
Winner predictions in italics.

FILM
MOTION PICTURE - DRAMA
"American Gangster" - Imagine Entertainment/Scott Free Productions; Universal Pictures
"Atonement" - Working Title Productions; Focus Features
"Eastern Promises" - Kudos Pictures - Uk Serendipity Point Films - Canada A Uk/Canada Co-Production; Focus Features
"The Great Debaters" - Harpo Films; The Weinstein Company/MGM
"Michael Clayton" - Samuels Media and Castle Rock Entertainment a Mirage Enterprises/Section 8 Production; Warner Bros. Pictures
"No Country For Old Men" - A Scott Rudin/Mike Zoss Production; Miramax/Paramount Vantage
"There Will Be Blood" - A Joanne Sellar/Ghoulardi Film Company Production; Paramount Vantage and Miramax Films

PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE - DRAMA
Cate Blanchett - "Elizabeth: The Golden Age"
Julie Christie - "Away From Her"

Jodie Foster - "The Brave One"
Angelina Jolie - "A Mighty Heart"
Keira Knightley - "Atonement"

PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE - DRAMA
George Clooney - "Michael Clayton"
Daniel Day-Lewis - "There Will Be Blood"
James McAvoy - "Atonement"
Viggo Mortensen - "Eastern Promises"
Denzel Washington - "American Gangster" (this one doesn't make me happy but I think it's what gonna happen. Day-Lewis SHOULD win)

MOTION PICTURE - COMEDY OR MUSICAL
"Across The Universe" - Revolution Studios International; Sony Pictures Releasing
"Charlie Wilson’s War" - Universal Pictures/Relativity Media/Participant Productions/Playtone; Universal Pictures
"Hairspray" - Zadan/Meron Prods./New Line Cinema in association with Ingenious Film Partners; New Line Cinema
"Juno" - Mandate Pictures/Mr. Mudd Production; Fox Searchlight Pictures
"Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street" - Parkes/Mac Donald and Zanuck Company; Warner Bros. Pictures

PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE - COMEDY OR MUSICAL
Amy Adams - "Enchanted"
Nikki Blonsky - "Hairspray"
Helena Bonham Carter - "Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street"
Marion Cotillard - "La Vie en rose"
Ellen Page - "Juno"

PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE - COMEDY OR MUSICAL
Johnny Depp - "Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street"
Ryan Gosling - "Lars And The Real Girl"
Tom Hanks - "Charlie Wilson’s War" (This one was tough, there are 4 conceivable winners here, Dewey aint one of them)
Philip Seymour Hoffman - "The Savages"
John C. Reilly - Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story

PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE
Cate Blanchett - "I’m Not There"
Julia Roberts - "Charlie Wilson’S War"
Saoirse Ronan - "Atonement"
Amy Ryan - "Gone Baby Gone"
Tilda Swinton - "Michael Clayton"

PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE
Casey Affleck - "The Assassination Of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford"
Javier Bardem - "No Country For Old Men"
Philip Seymour Hoffman - "Charlie Wilson’s War"
John Travolta - "Hairspray"
Tom Wilkinson - "Michael Clayton"

DIRECTOR - MOTION PICTURE
Tim Burton - "Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street"
Ethan Coen & Joel Coen - "No Country For Old Men"
Julian Schnabel - "The Diving Bell And The Butterfly"
Ridley Scott - "American Gangster"
Joe Wright - "Atonement"

TELEVISION

TELEVISION SERIES - DRAMA
"Big Love" (HBO) - Anima Sola and Playtone Productions in association with HBO Entertainment
"Damages" (Fx Networks) - FX Productions and Sony Pictures Television
"Grey’s Anatomy" (ABC) - ABC Studios
"House" (Fox) - Heel and Toe Films, Shore Z Productions and Bad Hat Harry Productions in association with Universal Media Studios
"Mad Men" (Amc) - Lionsgate Television
"The Tudors" (Showtime) - Showtime/Peace Arch Entertainment/Working Title/Reveille Productions Limited/An Ireland-Canada Co-Production

PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES - DRAMA
Patricia Arquette- "Medium"
Glenn Close - "Damages"
Minnie Driver - "The Riches"
Edie Falco - "The Sopranos"
Sally Field - "Brothers & Sisters"
Holly Hunter - "Saving Grace"
Kyra Sedgwick - "The Closer"

PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES - DRAMA
Michael C. Hall - "Dexter"
Jon Hamm - "Mad Men"
Hugh Laurie - "House"
Jonathan Rhys Meyers - "The Tudors"
Bill Paxton - "Big Love"

TELEVISION SERIES - COMEDY OR MUSICAL
"30 Rock" (NBC) - Universal Media Studios In Association With Broadway Video And Little Stranger - Inc.
"Californication" (Showtime) - Showtime Presents In Association With Aggressive Mediocrity, And Then…, Twilight Time Films
"Entourage" (HBO) - Leverage And Closest To The Hole Productions In Association With HBO Entertainment
"Extras" (HBO) - BBC And HBO Entertainment
"Pushing Daisies" (ABC) - Living Dead Guy Productions, The Jinks/Cohen Company in association with Warner Bros. Television

PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES -COMEDY OR MUSICAL
Christina Applegate - "Samantha Who?"
America Ferrera - "Ugly Betty"
Tina Fey - "30 Rock"
Anna Friel - "Pushing Daisies"
Mary-Louise Parker - "Weeds"

PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES - COMEDY OR MUSICAL
Alec Baldwin - "30 Rock"
Steve Carell - "The Office"
David Duchovny - "Californication"
Ricky Gervais - "Extras"
Lee Pace - "Pushing Daisies"

Quick Hits – The Someone Call Andrew McCarthy Edition

2008-01-11T17:32:00.000-05:00

(Enter Weekend at Bernie’s joke here)
Two roommates wheeled a third, recently deceased, roommate in an old office chair down to the local check cashing place to try and cash the dead roommate’s social security check. The plan went awry when the dead body, WHICH THEY LEFT UNATTENDED ON THE STREET, started to draw a crowd and a police officer having coffee next door noticed. The pair were arrested and charged with Check Fraud. I expect them to option their story to a studio for mid six figures any day now

White Trash Battle Royal (with cheese!)
Britney Spears’ parents are shocked and appalled about the public statements made by Dr. Phil about their daughter and that he was planning on talking about it ON TV, so in beautifully ironic move they went ON TV to complain about it.
“Hi, we are the Pot family. We have only one thing to say to you Dr. Kettle…you are black!”
What did they expect when they brought the TV doctor in to see their famous train wreck daughter?

American Idle
Katharine McPhee has become the latest in a string of former American Idol contestants to be dropped by their record label, Sony-BMG. Just last week karaoke kingpin and season 5 winner, Taylor Hicks, was dropped from the Sony cavalcade of stars.
McPhee is the third Idol star to bite the dust. 2003 winner Reuben Studdard left recently and is currently recording an album that no one will ever hear.

Worse Idea Than “Legally Blonde: The Musical”
Jean Valjean, The Phantom, Munkustrap, and now Tyler Durden??!?!?! David Fincher wants to bring Fight Club to Broadway in 2009 for the ten year anniversary of the film. Chuck Palahniuk has apparently signed off. David Fincher must have lost his fucking mind.

What About Haim?
For a while now there has been talk of a straight to DVD Lost Boys sequel. Corey Feldman, who somehow weaseled his way into the movie, is convinced there is a chance this thing will have a theatrical release. He wants people to write the studio and tell them to put the movie in theaters. Let’s face it; this thing is going to DVD faster than Major Movie Star.

Isn’t It a Little Early For the Douchebag of the Year Award?
NBC Entertainment President Ben Silverman is very upset about the effect the WGA strike had on the NBC broadcast of this year's Golden Globes. He is so upset in fact that he went on Ryan Seacrest’s show, the one true place to be heard, and said the following:

“It feels like the nerdiest, ugliest, meanest kids in the high school are trying to cancel the prom."

God forbid prom gets canceled. Without the prom where would he date rape his young impressionable female prey? Shit, if you and your rich jock buddies weren’t hoarding the prom funds there would be no issues with the prom. Maybe if you kicked just a little over to the nerds you wouldn’t be having these problems. You get what I’m saying Stan Gable? Why the fuck am I still using this retarded metaphor? In response to Silverman’s statements, the WGA plans on picketing outside the NBC lot in full formal attire next Thursday. You can get your “Ben Silverman High School” t-shirts here.

New Movies Opening This Week
In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
First Sunday

Have a great weekend!

Trailer Watch: Leatherheads

2008-01-10T17:45:00.000-05:00

Leatherheads is a romantic comedy about football set in the 1920’s directed and starring George Clooney and The Office’s John Krasinki. It’s basically the Bull Durham of football.

I have always been very impressed with Clooney as an actor. He has been great in everything from “The Facts of Life” to the Ocean movies (I haven’t seen Michael Clayton, but have heard great things). He, like Krasinki, has a tremendous sense of comedic timing. A skill that has become less valued in Hollywood these days (which explains why Larry the fucking Cable Guy keeps getting work). I have been equally as impressed with his work behind the camera. Confessions of a Dangerous Mind was more than enjoyable and Clooney did a tremendous job as director staying true to the Charlie Kaufman script, which is no small task. Good Night, and Good Luck was good enough to earn nominations for every major motion picture award in 2006, including 6 Academy Awards.

Leatherheads was co-written by Rick Rielly, one of the greatest sportswriters of all-time. Rielly spent 23 writing for Sports Illustrated and recently left the magazine to join ESPN. He has won Sportswriter of the Year 11 different times. You know at the very least that the football scenes are going to be good.

Funny story about Rielly; In 2002, during the height of the Sammy Sosa performance enhancing drug rumors, Sosa made a claim that he would “take a drug test if someone offered it to him”. Rielly showed up after a game and offered Sammy a drug test. Sosa responded by yelling and threatening him. Rielly has got a brass set on him, that’s for sure.

Bonus Clip:
Cloverfield…viral marketing…enough said.

Say It Ain't So Will!

2008-01-09T16:38:00.000-05:00

It is no secret that Will Smith and Tom Cruise are buddies. In 2006, Will was one of the big names to attend the star studded Tom Kat wedding and all last year pictures of the two “hanging out” popped up all over the interwebs. For months Smith has denied that he was converting to Scientology (a natural byproduct of being around Cruise for extended periods of time). It seems now though that the inevitable brain-washing has been successful and the Fresh Prince has gone over to the dark side. The Daily News reports:

Will Smith has joined the ranks of Hollywood power players actively recruiting for the Church of Scientology. Big stars traditionally distribute "wrap presents" to crew members after completing a film. His recent gift after wrapping next summer's comedy "Hancock" was a card good for a personality test at your local Scientology center. Fun! Never mind that such tests are given free by the church anyway. The quiz is designed to convert people to the religion by identifying personality flaws that - surprise! - Scientology can fix right up for you.

Man, Will Smith is cheap! You would think he could afford to buy gifts there were, you know, not free. Maybe he just couldn’t find Valentines Day novelty coupons that give away a free foot massage or rub & tug, and he decided to go with the IQ tests instead.

Walking through the Time Square subway station the other day I saw tables set up with free “stress tests” and copies of "Dianetics". I knew I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to watch this freak show in action so I unassumingly slid up next to one of the tables, careful not to make eye contact with any of the nutbars, and watched as they administered these “stress tests” to the unwitting folks (probably from the mid-west) who were not able to put two & two together.

If you have never seen a “stress test” administer before it is pretty simple, you hold onto an E-meter, a device that measures minute changes in electrical resistance through the body when a person holds metal cans and a small current is passed through them; the level on the meter supposedly identify your “areas of concern”. The E-meter has the same basic structure as those phones you used to make as a child; two cans painted silver attached by a string, the string is attached to something that almost looks like a transistor radio with a small analog dial that has a needle that bounces around randomly, making it appear it is reading something. I’m pretty sure the E-meter uses the same scientific principle as those Love Meters you see in the lobby of your local movie theater. During the test the administrator would talk to the yokel taking the test, asking a series of questions that I assume would help identify if you were a viable candidate or not. I did notice that the person giving the test always managed to work in income in some way or another.

It normally went something like this:

“Your levels indicate someone who is in a profession with high levels of stress, like a powerful attorney or a high level executive…you are a waiter at Denny’s? Oh, well the test is completed, have a nice day, next!”

I do not make any attempts to hide the fact that I think Scientology is a crock. The whole origins story with Xenu (you can read about it here) seems more like an elaborate con, set up by a desperately cheesy sci-fi author. I challenge them to take a hot mess like Britney Spears or Lindsay Lohan under their tutelage, give them a few hundred “shocks”, and if they can “fix” them then maybe I can be convinced that they are for real. Hell, if they can get either of them to not have pictures of their lady bits show up online for 6 months I’ll be impressed.

Quick Hits

2008-01-08T16:38:00.000-05:00

Magnum Force
Remember that litle dust up last week that ended with Britney Spears being strapped down to a gurney and taken to a hospital for observations? Well it appears that it may have been Federline's people who called the authorities after he realized that Britney kept a gun in the room that she locked herself in with the kids. It's pretty obvious Spears would never use the gun on the kids or herself, she just has it to hunt Possum for dinner.

What Part of Suicide Watch Did You Not Understand?
While in the hospital, Spears was visited by Dr. Phil. The good (not good) "doctor" concluded that she needs help. Well spotted Phil! Britney's father, who brought the rotund quack to see his daughter, was shocked to learn that Dr. Phil planned on using his visit with Beretta on his show. That's literally like brining a fat kid to a chocolate factory and expecting him NOT to eat the chocolate. You know his plump ass is going into the chocolate river.

A Daily Show Returned to TV Last Night
THE Daily Show will return as soon as the strike is over.

You Have Angered Xenu...Now you Must Pay!
Andrew Morton, the celebrated biographer of Princess Diana, has written another celebrity tell-all. This time he is taking on Hollywood Might Mite, Tom Cruise. In "Tom Cruise: The Unauthorized Biography" Morton claims among other things that:

Cruise is the second highest ranking member of the Church of Scientology.
Katie Holmes was actually impregnated by the frozen sperm of L. Ron Hubbard
Cruise had a homosexual encounter on the set of Eyes Wide Shut
Scientologists were forced to plant a field of wildflowers in a Los Angeles Scientologist enclave, so he and Nicole Kidman could frolic through it. Fulfilling a childhood dream.
The Church of Scientology forced the divorce from Kidman because she never fully accepted the "religion".

Of course Cruise is screaming bloody murder and threatening a $100 Million lawsuit.

My DVR Has Sprung Back To Life
This past weekend had some great TV.
Friday Night - New episode of "Friday Night Lights". I would say this is the best show on TV right now but...
The best show on TV is by far "The Wire", which had it's fifth and final season premier on Sunday. I've said it before and I'm sure I will say it again...Watch This Show!
Sunday - Giants win convincingly while Tony Romo parties in Cabo with Jessica Simpson.
American Gladiators Returned to its full cheesy glory and introduced the world to the sexily scary Helga.

The Last Days of Bill Gates

2008-01-08T14:34:00.000-05:00

It may only be the first week of 2008, but we might already have the best viral video of the year.
The Last Days of Bill Gates

Fools Gold

2008-01-08T10:31:00.000-05:00

Last Friday I mentioned talk of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association pulling the Golden Globes telecast due to concerns that many A-List SAG actors would not cross a WGA picket line to attend the event.

Later in the afternoon an announcement was made by SAG President Alan Rosenberg:

"After considerable outreach to Golden Globe actor nominees and their representatives over the past several weeks, there appears to be unanimous agreement that these actors will not cross WGA picket lines to appear on the Golden Globe Awards as acceptors or presenters. We applaud our members for this remarkable show of solidarity for striking Writers Guild of America writers.

We have also been asked about our position regarding network talk shows. We urge our members to appear on the two programs that have independent agreements with the WGA, late Night with David Letterman and Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson. However, actors who are asked to appear on the struck network talk shows will have to cross WGA picket lines, creating the same situation that has led to the consensus among actors to skip the golden Globes.

As I have said since this strke began on November 5th, we must stand united with our brothers and sisters at the WGA."

Shortly after that the a letter sent to NBC President Jeff Zucker, from a coalition of some the most powerful publicists in the business, was released. It read:

Dear Jeff,

We represent a majority of the actors, writers and directors nominated for a 2008 Golden Globe Award, as well as many of those invited to appear as presenters on the January 13, 2008 broadcast. After much discussion with our clients, we have concluded the vast majority of the talent we represent are not comfortable crossing a picket line.

Our clients are extremely grateful to the Hollywood Foreign Press Association and would love the opportunity to be recognized for their work, but will only do so in the event NBC/Dick Clark Productions reaches an interim agreement with the WGA for the Golden Globes.

Respectfully,

42 WestBWR Public Relations
Bragman, Nyman, Cafarelli
IDImage Management Public Relations
Patricola Lust Public Relations
PMK/HBH
Rogers & Cowan
Nancy Seltzer & Associates, Inc.
Stan Rosenfield & Associates
True Public Relations
Wolf, Kasteler and Associates

It appeared at this point that the HFPA's hands were tied and they would have to scrap the planned televised gala event and go with a smaller non-televised announcement ceremony (something that would not be picketed by the WGA). NBC took a hard stance, stating it would not allow a non-televised to proceed due to contractual obligations.

Many of the Hollywood elite began to try and talk Jeff Zucker down from the ledge at this point because if NBC went forward with blocking a non-televised event it would have essentially canceled the awards altogether. No one wanted that. So, after much pleading and negotiating they came to the following arrangement, which was announced yesterday:

RECIPIENTS OF “THE 65th ANNUAL GOLDEN GLOBE AWARDS”
TO BE ANNOUNCED AT BEVERLY HILTON PRESS CONFERENCE ON JANUARY 13th HOLLYWOOD, CA, January 7, 2008 – The Hollywood Foreign Press Association today announced that the recipients of Golden Globe Awards in 25 categories will be revealed during an hour-long HFPA press conference at The Beverly Hilton to be covered live by NBC News beginning at 6:00 pm PST on January 13. “The 65th Annual Golden Globe Awards” NBC telecast and champagne dinner in The Beverly Hilton’s International Ballroom is officially cancelled.

“We are all very disappointed that our traditional awards ceremony will not take place this year and that millions of viewers worldwide will be deprived of seeing many of their favorite stars celebrating 2007’s outstanding achievements in motion pictures and television,” said Jorge Camara, President of The Hollywood Foreign Press Association. “We take some comfort, however, in knowing that this year’s Golden Globe Award recipients will be announced on the date originally scheduled.”

The WGA has reportedly signed off on this arrangement and there will be no picket lines at the scaled down event.

In other strike related news...

Tom Cruise's United Artists has struck a side deal with the WGA, similar to the one made with Letterman's Worldwide Pants. The deal would allow UA to continue to work on projects during the strike.

LOS ANGELES – January 7, 2008: The Writers Guild of America and legendary United Artists Films have reached a mutually beneficial independent agreement. While the details are not being disclosed in this announcement, the comprehensive agreement addresses the issues important to writers, including New Media.

As a result of this agreement, Writers Guild members will be able to work with United Artists while the strike against other companies continues.

The agreement is unique to United Artists Films and does not involve Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Studios Inc. (MGM), a shareholder of United Artists Entertainment.

“United Artists has lived up to its name. UA and the Writers Guild came together and negotiated seriously. The end result is that we have a deal that will put people back to work,” said Patric M. Verrone, president of the Writers Guild of America, West.

This is News?

2008-01-04T15:54:00.000-05:00

There is a lot going on in the world right now:

The War
Presidential Election / the Iowa Caucus
Unemployment in the US highest in years
Effect of Benazir Bhutto’s assassination – Pakistan on the verge of civil war
Deadly riots in Kenya
A writers strike that has cost Hollywood over half a billion dollars

But when I turn on the news what do I see?

That’s right folks, five different talking heads jabbering on about Britney Spears being crazy, as if this is something new.

Apparently Britney lost it while handing her kids over to her ex-husband’s bodyguard, who was there to pick them up. There was some sort of stand-off and the court appointed officer, who was there to monitor Britney with her kids, ended up calling the cops. When the cops arrived they went into the residence, eventually they brought Britney out strapped to a gurney. They suspected she was on something and at the hospital placed her on some sort of suicide watch. As word got out about what was going down the scene turned chaotic.

She is obviously not well, and her condition is only exacerbated by all the cameras constantly shoved in her face. If I were to venture an educated guess I would say she is suffering from Schizoaffective Disorder, where both symptoms of Schizophrenic and Mood Disorders exist. This is basically when someone exhibits a impaired perception of reality, most commonly in the form of auditory hallucinations (voices in her head), paranoid delusions, and disorganization in thought & speech. There is also the presence of at least one manic and/or depressive episode. Sounds like out girl right?

If I am right, then I can't wait for her to show up one day, wild eyed, making messianic proclamations about herself.

Or, she could just be whacked out on Angel Dust.

Either way, her sister being a teen mother doesn’t seem all that bad now does it?

The Ratings Are In

2008-01-04T13:08:00.001-05:00

The ratings for the network late night shows first night back live are in, and not surprisingly Leno & Conan whooped Letterman & “The guy from The Drew Carey Show” in the Nielson battle. The ratings victory can probably be attributed to a few things:

Most people probably tuned into Leno to see if he would fall on his fat chin without his writers.
9 out of 10 Americans couldn’t pick Craig Ferguson out of a lineup, even if the lineup consisted of just Craig Ferguson.
Who doesn’t love Conan?
Letterman = Not Funny. Writers or no Writers.

Due to the ongoing strike, the late night shows are going to find it hard to schedule guests. Many SAG actors won’t cross the picket line to appear in support of the WGA. The same will go for many politicians, mostly Presidential Candidates, as they are all vying for union support in the upcoming elections.

Mike “I heart Chuck Norris” Huckabee made this mistake when he appeared on Leno Wednesday evening, drawing the ire of the union.

Huckabee, a candidate who has actively sought union support, claimed earlier in the day that he would not cross any picket lines. He claims that he was under the impression that a special dispensation had been granted to ALL the shows by the WGA, not just Letterman/Ferguson, and that he didn’t think he was crossing any picket lines.

In other strike related news...
There is speculation that The Hollywood Foreign Press is considering pulling the Golden Globes Awards Show from television this year, due to the fact that they have not been able to procure any waivers from the WGA as of yet. The thinking is that it will be a struggle to get a lot of the stars to cross any WGA picket lines to attend the televised event, but if the show is not on TV it becomes more of a non-issue. If there is no TV, no one can see. And, if no one can see then it’s like it didn’t even happen. Right?

The Golden Globes are my favorite of the award shows. Why? Because they serve booze, thus helping pull the stick out of their collective asses. I am looking forward to an award show that is at the mercy of a bunch of drunken Hollywood types, relying solely on their ad-libs for material. The potential for someone to have a Kanye West “George Bush hates black people” moment is off the scales.

Trailer Watch: Teeth

2008-01-03T11:48:00.000-05:00

Teeth has been dubbed "The most alarming cautionary tale for men since Fatal Attraction"

Yup, it's a movie about a girl with a hoo-hah full of chompers...and it's angry! Not only did first time director Mitchell Lichtenstein create a movie exploring the myth of Vagina Dentate, but he may have actually made a solid horror movie in the process. Jess Weixler even won a Special Grand Jury Prize at Sundance for her portrayal of Dawn, the girl with the va-jay-jay with an appetite for destruction. The film has even garnered an impressive 80% rating on Rotten Tomatoes.

As a society that is obsessed with celebrity cooters, how can a movie like this NOT capture our imaginations? I foresee Teeth taking a big bite out of the box office on January 18th.

(yes I went there)

Merry New Year

2008-01-02T17:20:00.000-05:00

That's "happy." In this country we say "Happy New Year."
Oh, ho, ho, thank you for correcting my English which stinks!

Hope everyone had a great New Years. From what I can remember, I had a good time. Me and Mr. Cuervo are going to have a trial separation though.

A few items...

The Backlash Has Begun!
If you take a look at this top 10 at the box office for this past weekend you will find that, contrary to popular belief, not everything Judd Apatow touches turns to gold. In its second week of release Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story brought in just $3.7 million and fell to#13 (down from #8 last week). Walk Hard has grossed just over $12 million and is doing an abysmal $1,396 per theater average.

While these numbers may not be disastrous, they are nowhere near good. It’s still too early throw around the term “bomb” around (between domestic and foreign box office it will make its money back); but considering how they promoted the shit out of this movie you got to think the folks over at Sony are not thrilled. It appears that the over-hyping Walk Hard may have come back to bite them in their collective asses. You couldn’t turn on your television the past couple of months without seeing some sort of Walk Hard promotion, including a long spot on "Monday Night Football", tons and tons of appearances, and the trailer being played ad nauseum. Let’s not forget the extensive online viral marketing where you could go onto a site like Funny or Die and watch clips of the movie or the trailer again for the one billionth time. It’s possible that people either, a. figured they have seen every funny part of the movie already and don’t need to go pay to see the movie in theaters, or, b. are just sick as hell of this movie and don’t want to see it at all.

But this is Judd Apatow we are talking about; the man’s career has nine lives. He is the current reigning king of comedy in Hollywood. 2008 looks like it will be an even bigger year for Apatow; he has (at least) 3 or 4 big time comedies set to come out including Seth Rogen’s Pineapple Express and Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

There Will Be Buzz
There is huge buzz for director Paul Thomas Anderson’s new film There Will Be Blood. The film, based on an Upton Sinclair novel, is the story of greed, power, family, religion and oil, starring Daniel Day-Lewis as a Texas oil prospector at the turn of the century. I haven’t seen it yet, but from what I have heard it is excellent and needs to be included in any serious “best picture” conversations this year. The trailer makes the film look downright spooky and literally sent a shiver down my spine the first time I saw it.

It’s long since been my opinion that Daniel Day-Lewis is the greatest living actor around today and Anderson is more than capable of creating a fantastic film (see: Boogie Nights). I would not be surprised if Best Picture this year was between There Will Be Blood and No Country for Old Men. Then again, after the Crash debacle of 2005 you never know.

Late Night Comeback
Last Friday David Letterman’s production company Worldwide Pants completed a surprise hail-mary pass and finalized a deal with the WGA. When he and Craig Ferguson return to the air live tonight, they will do so with the aid of their writing staffs. Leno, Conan, & Kimmel also come back tonight, but will be flying solo. We will have to wait and see how this deal works out for Letterman in terms of his ratings compared to Leno before we know what kind of effect it may have on the strike. Surely there has to be some pretty pissed off writers right now who are out in the cold while Letterman’s guys get to go back to work. This may be the first true test of solidarity amongst the writers, which has been strong up to this point.

The important thing to remember is that "The Daily Show" and "The Colbert Report" return on January 7^th.

glumbert - Stephen Colbert explains AT&T

Coming soon...
Movies to Look Forward to in 2008
Golden Globes Predictions