You Have a Son, It's Me - The Office epidsode 4.5

The Local Ad

"The People Person's Paper People"

Huzzah! The Office is back to its standard 30 minute format after 4 long weeks of hour long episodes. Now you may be asking yourself, why is he happy about less Office? Well here's the thing, more is not always better. The hour long episodes seemed to drag, there was too much time between jokes and the story lines were being stretched thin. The half hour episodes provide just enough time to bring the funny at a pace the works best for the show. I realize this has been written about ad nauseum over the past few weeks, so I will bore you no longer...

The Scranton branch creates a Dunder-Mifflin ad to run in the local markets.

Corporate had something else in mind, using a real creative ad team to create a packaged ad for all the branches to use. Michael is having none of that and has the Scranton team create their own ad and sends it to corporate for them to choose. They go with the cheese-ball ad the creative team made. After everyone watches the premiere of the Dunder-Mifflin ad at Poor Richards, Jim gets the bartender to pop in the "Dunder-Mifflin Local Ad: The Michael Scott Directors Cut" for everyone to see...


You know, with some real production value that could actually be a pretty good commercial.

Episode Highlights:

• Andy blanking on the end of the Kit Kat jingle - gimme a break, gimme a break, break me off a piece of that-- applesauce / Chrysler Car / Grey Poupon / Football Cream'
• Stanley is the key to Urban Vibe
• "The Nard Dog" and his fartful aromatherapy
• Dwight has a Second Life Character...that flies! "I signed up for Second Life about a year ago. Back then, my life was so great that I literally wanted a second one. In my second life I was also a paper salesman and I was also named Dwight. Absolutely everything was the same. Except I could fly."
• Phyllis is assigned the task of finding a celebrity in Scranton to be in the spot, she finds out Sue Grafton is in town for a book signing. Michael tells her to get her and don't take no for an answer. She is removed by security because she refuses to take no for an answer.
• Creed thinks Sue Grafton is "Crazy Hot"
• Kevin used to be called the "Kool Aid Man" and then does an off the charts impression...LOVE KEVIN!
• Darryl, Kevin, Kelly, Andy, and Creed create a jingle "Dunder-Mifflin: The People Person's Paper People"...Michael thought it was going to be a rap, leading Darryl to ask "What's rap?" Michael tells him his has a lot to learn about his own culture, he'll make him a mix. Great.
• Pam sleeps at her desk so she can finish the animation followed by the line of the episode "I worked until about 2:45am. And then I had to decide if I wanted to spend the night with Michael, editing in his office, and Dwight, watching Michael editing in his office, or drive home and probably fall asleep at the wheel and die in a fiery car wreck. I passed out on my keyboard trying to decide."
• Angela called Andy "D" while they were necking (literally rubbing their necks together)...Dwight is thrilled, queue the maniacal laughter. Those two are headed to a reconciliation. Should set up a good competition between Dwight and Andy for the affections of Angela.

Good episode! Chock full O funny with a little smidgen of a Rudy underdog feel thrown in for good measure.

Note: This was my first foray into the world of show recapping. I plan to do recaps weekly as well as hit some other of the shows on my must see list like 30 Rock and Friday Night Lights (if you are not watching Friday Night Lights you are missing out on the best show on TV!)
Let me know what you think.

Kevin the Kool Aid Man

What Was She Thinking?

I present to you the trailer for Mad Money, the P.O.S. movie Katie Holmes decided to make instead of the sequel to Batman Begins. I would have loved to be inside Katie's head while she made her decision...

Let's see, should I make the sequel to a movie about one of the most widely known characters in the world, a movie that made over $300 million in the box office, with Christian Bale, Gary Oldman, Heath Ledger, Aaron Eckhart, Anthony Michael Hall, and Oscar Award winners Morgan Freeman and Michael Caine, directed by Oscar award nominee Christopher Nolan...OR do I make this girl heist comedy project starring Diane Keaton, Queen Latifah, and Ted fucking Danson, directed by that woman who made that Ya-Ya movie?

I think I want to do the comedy movie. It looks sooooo fun, it's like Set it Off but with white people, I love watching Set it Off on TBS at 2am on a Wednesday when I am all alone in my twin sized bed and Suri finally goes to sleep (thanks ambien!)...and the character they want me to play is really quirky and I would be able to show off my full range of talents...plus I will be working with royalty, how cool is that?!?!

Actually it was probably more like...

Xenu is good...I love Tom Cruise...Tom Cruise is not gay...Tom Cruise got me pregnant...John Travolta was hilarious in Hairspray...Xenu is great...Victoria Beckham is pretty...I love my haircut...I must not be as famous as Tom...Praise Xenu...I am happy with my life.

Look at it this way, instead of Joey Potter, we get the beautiful and infinitely more talented Maggie Gyllenhaal. UPGRADE!

Fall Day Walkabout: A Photo Blog

Yesterday was a beautiful day. The air was fresh and crisp, it wasn't too windy, and after of couple of days of dismal weather it was finally sunny again. I decided to take advantage of this great fall weather and take a stroll around the neighborhood. As I normally do when I am wandering aimlessly I took my camera with me:

Let's begin...

The first thing out the door of my building (well other than the White Castle) is the Bel Aire Diner. They just renovated, we used to call it the disco diner because of it's old camp blinking lights. You can see the diner from our balcony.




Q19A is the bus that goes right by the front of our apartment building down 21st St. (That's my building in the background).




They have been doing construction on a site about a block away from my apartment for about a year now. The thing is they have not actually built anything in that time. This is the only thing I have ever seen on the site. Doesn't it look lonely and sad? It kind of reminds me of one of my favorite books as a little kid.






The Noguchi Museum
If you have never been to the Noguchi, it's actually a very cool little spot hidden away on Vernon Blvd.. The museum features the work of Isamu Noguchi, a Japanese born sculpture artist. There is also a really nice outdoor sculpture garden within the walls of the museum that gets beautiful natural light through the trees. Very chill and pretty.

Moving On...



Old building down the block from the Noguchi.




Little girl looking out over the water at Roosevelt Island.




Nice puppy...




Aaaaah!

Coffee Break!



Stopped into Bakeway, a local bakery that just opened up a few months ago, for the coffee. Their stuff always looks so good...

Onwards...

I don't know if you can tell from this picture, but these piggy banks are creepy! They have been sitting in the same crate outside the same store since I moved in over a year ago.

Broadway Station




Astoria is known for being a Greek neighborhood, Uncle Georges is the place to go for Greek food.

The local markets...




















King of Falafel







Hands down the best street food in NYC ! I defy you to find better.

And this is where my meanderings came to an end.

Bollywood + Dancing Condoms = Hilarity!

No wonder there is over 1 Billion people in India.

Does James Lipton have to smack a bitch?

Note: The following text has been taken verbatim from the newswire, nothing was changed for comedic purposes.

JAMES LIPTON, the host of U.S. talk show INSIDE THE ACTORS STUDIO, once worked as a pimp in Paris, France.
The revered TV presenter, who has sat down with Hollywood's biggest names for in-depth chats about their life and work over the last 13 years, has revealed he once procured clients for French hookers.
He says, "This was when I was very very young, living in Paris, penniless, unable to get any kind of working permit... I had a friend who worked in what is called the Milieu, which is that world and she suggested to me one night, `Look, you'll be my meck... We would translate it perhaps... as pimp.
"We were earning our living together, this young woman and I, we made a rather good living, I must say." Lipton reveals in his new book Inside Inside he would set up sex shows for clients of his lady friend.
He adds, "I had to accompany my clientelle to the Rue Pigalle, which is where these things occurred. And then I'd take them up to the room and I had to remain there because they were very nervous, they were young Americans for the most part... and they didn't speak French."

James Lipton was a P-I-M-P! It would actually be a good idea for James to get back in the game, his show has really gone down hill ever since they ran out of credible actors to have on as guests and started having on people like J-Lo instead. And if you think that's bad, the upcoming season is going to feature Dennis Haskins, The Miz, Mischa Barton, and Carrot Top.

Can you say Où est ma chienne d'argent ?

What the Hell Happened?

Did you hear that? That was the sound of the last of my fond childhood memories busting through the wall like they were in a Kool Aid commercial and heading for the hills. See, when I was a wee laddie I loved the movie Weird Science, and I especially loved Kelley Lebrock.







She was the perfect woman; she was older (but not creepy old), fun, cool, and hot as all get out. She made fake id's, gave you kick ass cars, pulled a gun on your uptight parents so you could go to the cool party, made out with you when you were down, and taught you confidence by having the homicidal bikers for The Road Warrior tear up your house. Oh and did I mention, she was hot as hell? Lebrock was cast as the quintessential teenage male fantasy for a reason.

But now? blargs! She is looking more like the dung pile Chet than hot Kelley Lebrock. What the hell happened to the fantasy woman of my childhood?







I am gonna go console my crying penis now.

Well at least I'll always have Winnie Cooper...

Score: Karma 1, Tara Reid 0

In a master stroke of irony, reports have surfaced today that Tara Reid was hospitalized in early October to undergo a battery of tests for possible liver or pancreas damage. According to the report, what doctors found were elevated liver enzymes, which can be caused by alcohol abuse. While in the hospital Reid was allegedly combative and exhibited crazy mood swings. She had a “sitter” assigned to her at all times while in the hospital, but was so uncooperative that three of these “sitters” quit.

In case you weren’t sure, “rapid emotional changes” and “emotional volatility” are symptoms of someone going through alcohol withdrawal.

These reports come on the heels of this statement made by Tara:

“I think the reason I never ended up in as much trouble as Paris (Hilton) or Lindsay (Lohan) is that I’m not stupid, so I’d never do a lot of the things those girls do,” she said. “You’ll never read a story about me going out and partying when I’m supposed to be working, showing up on a set drunk or missing a day, never. But when I’m not working, why shouldn’t I have fun? Am I supposed to stay at home and live in a cage?

“I was a party girl, but I played by the rules.”

Sure, when you are not working you should definitely go out there and have fun. And luckily for you no one in Hollywood will hire your talentless surgically deformed ass, so you have plenty of time not working to cut loose and party. In fact it would seem you have enough time to drink until your liver conks out and you have to go to the hospital.

But you would never let something like that happen, would you Tara? No you wouldn’t, because you are not stupid, and you have an impeccable track record of sobriety to back you up.

My personal favorite line from today’s report was “In one of her quiet moments, Tara proudly told someone at the hospital: “I know Paris Hilton and Britney Spears” - and then displayed their cell phone numbers to prove it.” I can just imagine the hospital staff pointing and laughing at Tara as she says this. It’s almost like going to your ten year high school reunion and seeing the handsome popular jock guy who always picked on the geeky kids and always get the girls. He is trying to relive his glory days by telling the story of how he threw the winning touchdown and fucked the hottest skanks, but the fact of the matter is now he’s fat, balding, and is married to his high school sweetheart who is working on baby #3 and whose vagina is about to fall out. Meanwhile the geeks are now running fortune 500 companies and Hollywood studios.

Who said God doesn’t have a sense of humor?

What is going on in David Copperfield's Magical Mystery Warehouse?

The FBI raided magician David Copperfield’s warehouse located in Las Vegas. The warehouse, which Copperfield calls “The International Musuem & Library of the Conjuring Arts”, is rarely seen by anyone outside of the magic community. It is said to contain sports cars, vintage automatons, gargoyle heads, gadgetry and an electric chair, as well as 80,000 books, illusions, posters and memorabilia.

Authorities confirmed that a computer hard drive, digital camera system, and nearly $2 million in cash were seized, but refused to state what the investigation was about.

Hmmm…a hard drive, cameras, and cash…I’ll take Kiddie Porn for $100 Alex. What I don’t understand is, if he had incriminating items why didn’t he just make them disappear? Surely they were not as big as the Statue of Liberty.

According to Forbes magazine Copperfield earned $57 Million in 2003, making him the 10^th highest paid entertainer that year. Seriously?!?!?!