Quick Hits

Magnum Force
Remember that litle dust up last week that ended with Britney Spears being strapped down to a gurney and taken to a hospital for observations? Well it appears that it may have been Federline's people who called the authorities after he realized that Britney kept a gun in the room that she locked herself in with the kids. It's pretty obvious Spears would never use the gun on the kids or herself, she just has it to hunt Possum for dinner.


What Part of Suicide Watch Did You Not Understand?
While in the hospital, Spears was visited by Dr. Phil. The good (not good) "doctor" concluded that she needs help. Well spotted Phil! Britney's father, who brought the rotund quack to see his daughter, was shocked to learn that Dr. Phil planned on using his visit with Beretta on his show. That's literally like brining a fat kid to a chocolate factory and expecting him NOT to eat the chocolate. You know his plump ass is going into the chocolate river.


A Daily Show Returned to TV Last Night
THE Daily Show will return as soon as the strike is over.



You Have Angered Xenu...Now you Must Pay!
Andrew Morton, the celebrated biographer of Princess Diana, has written another celebrity tell-all. This time he is taking on Hollywood Might Mite, Tom Cruise. In "Tom Cruise: The Unauthorized Biography" Morton claims among other things that:

• Cruise is the second highest ranking member of the Church of Scientology.
  
• Katie Holmes was actually impregnated by the frozen sperm of L. Ron Hubbard
• Cruise had a homosexual encounter on the set of Eyes Wide Shut
• Scientologists were forced to plant a field of wildflowers in a Los Angeles Scientologist enclave, so he and Nicole Kidman could frolic through it. Fulfilling a childhood dream.
  
• The Church of Scientology forced the divorce from Kidman because she never fully accepted the "religion".

Of course Cruise is screaming bloody murder and threatening a $100 Million lawsuit.

My DVR Has Sprung Back To Life
This past weekend had some great TV.
Friday Night - New episode of "Friday Night Lights". I would say this is the best show on TV right now but...
The best show on TV is by far "The Wire", which had it's fifth and final season premier on Sunday. I've said it before and I'm sure I will say it again...Watch This Show!
Sunday - Giants win convincingly while Tony Romo parties in Cabo with Jessica Simpson.
American Gladiators Returned to its full cheesy glory and introduced the world to the sexily scary Helga.

It's a Boxing Day Miracle!

Last week, when I wrote about the various Late Night Hosts returning to work, I mentioned that both The Daily Show and The Colbert Report would remain in repeats. I am pleased to admit that I was wrong...

Stewart & Colbert return January 7th!!!!!!


The pair released a quintessentially Stewart/Colbert like statement announcing their return.
“We would like to return to work with our writers. If we cannot, we would like to express our ambivalence, but without our writers we are unable to express something as nuanced as ambivalence.”

Both Stewart and Colbert have been ardent supporters of the strike, so like Leno and Conan, they will return without their writing staff. Doing either The Daily Show or The Colbert Report solo is a tall task. Unlike the network late night shows, both shows put much more emphasis on "written" segments and less on interviews. But if anyone can pull it off, it's these two.

On a related note; it appears the negotiations between World Wide Pants and the WGA are not going so well. If a deal doesn't get done then Letterman and Ferguson will also be returning to the air without their writers.

Don't worry, I won't leave you on a sad (and slightly scary) note though...