A Sex Tape Classic

I was M.I.A. for a few days. During that time many different things went down including (but not limited to):

• The revelation that Britney Spears has been filming her year long tailspin and the videos will no doubt sell for millions (and that maybe the joke is on us).
• Amy Winehouse being entrusted with the well being of another living being. Even for a minute this is a bad idea. Don't believe me? Check out this picture for proof.
• Ashlee Simpson getting knocked up, NOT being preggers, and being preggers all over again (more on this in a bit).
  

My favorite story however is that there is a Marilyn Monroe sex tape, and that's not even the best part. The tape was allegedly made by the FBI!!!

"The footage appears to have been shot in the 1950s. When it came to light in the mid-'60s, then-FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover had his agents spend two weeks futilely trying to prove that Monroe's sex partner was either John F. Kennedy or Robert F. Kennedy, according to declassified agency documents and interviews, Morgan said. The silent black-and-white flick shows Monroe on her knees in front of a man whose face is just out of the shot. He never moves into the shot, indicating that he knew the camera was there, but Monroe never looks at the lens..."

He never shows his face? If I was getting head from Marilyn Monroe I would want everyone to see me and my giant shit-eating grin, because I would be getting head from Marylin Monroe. In fact there would be plenty of footage of me...It would be me high-fiving everyone I see, because I got head from Marilyn Monroe.

The 16mm film of Monroe was reportedly sold to an unnamed businessman for $1.5 Mil. The man who bought the film has stated that it will not be released.

I guess we are just have to settle for for a video of Lindsay Lohan dressed up as Marilyn (again) getting anal from one of the American Gladiators while her face is buried in the crotch of a tranny.


As I mentioned earlier, it was reported at the beginning of the week that Ashlee Simpson was pregnant. Yesterday Ashlee's life partner Pete Wentz got all emo on us and threw a hissy fit until we all believe that Ashlee was in fact not pregnant. Today it is being reported again that she is indeed preggers.

Personally, I am firmly entrenched in the "Not Pregnant" camp because two vagina's don't make a baby. On the other hand, if you told me Pete Wentz was knocked up I'd probably believe you.

Chances are she used the word pregnant as some sort of retard slang and someone overheard and overreacted. For example; "I got a flat tire yesterday, I was soooo pregnant about it!" or "My sister's lips are pregnant" or "I hate Pete Wentz, why won't he just fade into inevitable obscurity already?"...ok that last one was me, but you get the point.