Score: Karma 1, Tara Reid 0

In a master stroke of irony, reports have surfaced today that Tara Reid was hospitalized in early October to undergo a battery of tests for possible liver or pancreas damage. According to the report, what doctors found were elevated liver enzymes, which can be caused by alcohol abuse. While in the hospital Reid was allegedly combative and exhibited crazy mood swings. She had a “sitter” assigned to her at all times while in the hospital, but was so uncooperative that three of these “sitters” quit.

In case you weren’t sure, “rapid emotional changes” and “emotional volatility” are symptoms of someone going through alcohol withdrawal.

These reports come on the heels of this statement made by Tara:

“I think the reason I never ended up in as much trouble as Paris (Hilton) or Lindsay (Lohan) is that I’m not stupid, so I’d never do a lot of the things those girls do,” she said. “You’ll never read a story about me going out and partying when I’m supposed to be working, showing up on a set drunk or missing a day, never. But when I’m not working, why shouldn’t I have fun? Am I supposed to stay at home and live in a cage?

“I was a party girl, but I played by the rules.”

Sure, when you are not working you should definitely go out there and have fun. And luckily for you no one in Hollywood will hire your talentless surgically deformed ass, so you have plenty of time not working to cut loose and party. In fact it would seem you have enough time to drink until your liver conks out and you have to go to the hospital.

But you would never let something like that happen, would you Tara? No you wouldn’t, because you are not stupid, and you have an impeccable track record of sobriety to back you up.

My personal favorite line from today’s report was “In one of her quiet moments, Tara proudly told someone at the hospital: “I know Paris Hilton and Britney Spears” - and then displayed their cell phone numbers to prove it.” I can just imagine the hospital staff pointing and laughing at Tara as she says this. It’s almost like going to your ten year high school reunion and seeing the handsome popular jock guy who always picked on the geeky kids and always get the girls. He is trying to relive his glory days by telling the story of how he threw the winning touchdown and fucked the hottest skanks, but the fact of the matter is now he’s fat, balding, and is married to his high school sweetheart who is working on baby #3 and whose vagina is about to fall out. Meanwhile the geeks are now running fortune 500 companies and Hollywood studios.

Who said God doesn’t have a sense of humor?